


One Last Dance

by ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, Spunky0ne



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-04-30 11:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14496210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl/pseuds/ImaTastyPorkCutletBowl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spunky0ne/pseuds/Spunky0ne
Summary: After Yuuri suffers an injury trying to land a new quad, Victor shows a side of himself that Yuuri has never seen before, and one that he doesn’t particularly like. Amidst the stress, an old flame of Victor’s returns to the ice, leaving Yuuri worried that their past love could reignite. Is Evgeni Alenin aiming for Victor’s heart, or could he have another reason for coming back to the ice?





	1. Brothers in Charms

His blue-green eyes sparking with anticipation, Victor Nikiforov waited at the side of the crowded skating rink, listening to the excited roar of the audience and feeling the scintillating chill of the air around him. His muscles carefully warmed up and his mind deeply focused, he watched as the last competitor, a tall grey eyed youth with curly, shoulder length blonde hair and a slim, willowy body, took up a ready stance on the ice. The announcer's echoing voice sounded, and the words made Victor's smile warm.

"Taking the ice now, we have the first of two very strong competitors, who have, so far, dominated this event and delighted everyone with their spirited rivalry and stunning performances. Over the past year, Victor Nikiforov and this young man, Evgeni Alenin, both hailing from Russia, have turned in a dazzling display of captivating performances that have resulted in record breaking crowds at their events. No one can wait to see these two compete in the Grand Prix Finals this year. Alenin pulled out a razor thin win at their first event, the China Cup, but Nikiforov leads going into the men's singles free skate, here in their home country tonight. Whatever happens out there on the ice, whoever wins, we are likely to see some new records set by one or the other of these two talented skaters. Alenin has taken position and Nikiforov waits now at rinkside."

At the entrance to the rink, Victor shot his competitor a teasing grin.

"May the best man win," he whispered.

He could see that Evgeni was also smiling and mouthing a reply.

"I will be winning tonight, Victor."

_And you know what that means_ , Evgeni thought as the music began and he spun and danced across the ice, bringing a delighted roar from the crowd, _Finally. Finally, you will let me make love to you. After all of these past months of teasing and flirtation, you are going to pay in the most beautiful, breathtaking way for keeping me waiting while you decided what you wanted. By morning…you are going to love me helplessly, just the way you've made me love you!_

_I won't lose now, not when I am so close to you._

He gathered speed, feeling the thrilling rush of the music and cold air as he launched his agile body into the air and spun.

"That's it!" the announcer said excitedly, "Alenin promised us a show to remember tonight, and he delivers a stunner right here at the beginning with a beautiful quadruple Lutz! Nikiforov will have to work hard tonight, if he wants to win. Alenin is pulling out all the stops."

That's right, Evgeni agreed inwardly, I know I could just take it easy and we would still both go to the finals, but this is my chance to make Victor my lover, and I'm not going to give anything but my best! Do you feel my love, Victor?

He blazed by the place where his silvery-haired competitor stood, and his mind captured an image of Victor's aroused blue-green eyes.

_You can't help yourself, can you? You love a good performance, so I will dance perfectly for you tonight, Victor!_

Evgeni blazed into an enchanting display of perfectly executed steps, then gathered speed, heading into a quad loop combination. But as his body flew into the air, he could feel already that something had gone horribly wrong.

_No!_

He tried desperately to adjust, but his body wobbled and spun out of control. He crashed down onto the ice, his heart freezing in his chest as he heard the terrifying snap of bone breaking and felt pain explode through his legs. He moved an arm to protect his head, but the impact was still unforgiving, making stars explode in front of his rounded eyes and sending him tumbling into blackness.

"Evgeni!" Victor cried, tearing the protective covers off of his blades and skating fast towards his fallen friend, amidst the horrified sounds of the shocked audience.

"Alenin has suffered a devastating fall," the announcer managed in a stunned tone, "Paramedics are rushing onto the ice to help him."

The music stopped and the facility's medical staff raced onto the ice. Victor reached Evgeni first and dropped to his knees at the injured skater's side.

"Evgeni!" he panted anxiously, touching his friend's curly hair, but carefully refraining from moving him.

Alenin groaned and started to move, then screamed in agony.

"Hold still! Hold still!" Victor hissed frantically, "Don't move, you'll make it worse! Help is coming. It's okay. It'll be okay."

He shivered as Evgeni's hand found his and squeezed it painfully tightly.

"Victor," Evgeni panted weakly, touching his fellow skater's pale face with his other hand and reading Victor's shattered expression, "Is it…b-broken?"

Tears ran in streams down Victor's face and he stared back at Evgeni wordlessly.

"Victor?"

"Lie still and let the medics help you," Victor managed, forcing a strained smile, "You'll be all right."

Shock reflected in Victor's comely features as he heard his injured friend manage a shaky laugh, and the sweating hand on his face trembled.

"I heard it go," Evgeni admitted, "We both know what that means."

"Evgeni, don't…"

The hand curved around Victor's cheek pulled him down, into a tender kiss that silenced him and left him staring again.

"Dance beautifully tonight, Victor," Evgeni whispered, closing his eyes, "Win for me."

XXXXXXXXXX

(…five years later, after the Grand Prix Finals)

_I feel like this is all just a wonderful, beautiful dream_ , Yuuri mused as he held Victor tightly and the two slow danced together amongst the other skaters at the after-competition banquet, _After being humiliated last year, to be here dancing with Victor again, but this time the silver medalist! It's like my dreams have been coming true, left and right since Victor first came to Hasetsu._

_And now, I will be moving to Saint Petersburg to train with him._

"You are inside your head, Yuuri," Victor's voice rumbled in his ear, "What are you thinking?"

Yuuri's head turned where it rested on Victor's shoulder, and he looked into his coach's curious blue-green eyes.

"I'm trying to imagine what everything will be like now. I have so many questions. When will we go to Russia? Where will I be living? What will it be like there?"

"That is a lot of questions," Victor chuckled, kissing his slighter partner on the forehead, "but the most important one is where you will live, which is with me, of course."

"That's right. You have a house in a gated neighborhood for privacy," Yuuri remembered, "I read that somewhere."

_But will I have my own room in Victor's house, or…I can't ask him that!_

"You're blushing," Victor laughed, "You must have questions you're not telling me."

"Eh…" Yuuri said anxiously, "W-well…"

He froze as Victor's lips and warm breath touched his earlobe.

"You can choose to have a room of your own if you're more comfortable with that, or we can share my room," Victor suggested, "You don't need to be nervous, Yuuri. I will never do anything you're not ready to do. You know that by now, don't you?"

"Right," Yuuri managed, loosing the word in a relieved breath into Victor's shoulder, "I know that. It's just a big change. I'm happy about it. I'm just also nervous because everything will be new to me."

He thought for a moment, then lifted his head and looked into Victor's affectionate eyes.

"But, you must have felt the same way when you left Saint Petersburg and came to live with me in Hasetsu."

"I did," Victor confessed, "but you and your family and friends made me feel so welcome. You have me, you have friends at the skating rink where we will be training, and I'm sure you know, you have a lot of fans in Russia also now, Yuuri. The way you were, both in the Rostelecom Cup and in the Grand Prix Finals earned you a lot of respect from them."

"That's good to know," Yuuri sighed, relaxing further, "I guess I don't need to be worried. I moved away from Japan to live in Detroit when I was training there. I wasn't too homesick because I became friends with Phichit. And you and I are…"

Yuuri felt a tickling twinge inside and stopped mid-sentence.

"You and I are what?" Victor teased him, smirking, "Go on. You can say it. We are lovers, Yuuri."

"W-well, yeah, but I mean, we haven't really…umm…you know…"

He trailed off, swallowing hard and tensing in Victor's embrace.

"Relax," Victor said soothingly, "I told you I would never ask for more than you are ready to give. I would go to bed with you right now, if that was what you were ready for, but it doesn't hurt me too much to wait. You give me plenty of satisfaction just doing what you do now."

_It's mostly just kissing and holding each other_ , Yuuri lamented inwardly, _Victor is such a good partner, on the ice and off. He seems to know just how much I can give, and he never asks for more._

"Yuuri," Victor said, making his brown-eyed partner blink and look up into his eyes again, "I was thinking. We have another day here in Barcelona before our flight back to Hasetsu."

"Uh-huh," Yuuri acknowledged, nodding.

"Maybe we should get married here…before we go home."

Yuuri's feet stopped moving and his eyes rounded.

"G-get married now?" he asked, his voice shaking, "But I thought that you…"

Victor shrugged, trying to look casual about the idea.

"Neither of our home countries will let us be married there," he went on, "and neither will recognize the marriage, so it will just be on paper, but…when you win gold, we can have a bigger ceremony somewhere with our friends and family."

"But, why does Victor want to get married now?" Yuuri asked, looking confused, "You were just saying how there was no rush. Getting married now would be rushing, wouldn't it?"

"Don't you want to be married to me?" Victor asked, his smile fading slightly, "If not, you've been teasing me horribly over the last year, Yuuri."

"Of course I want to marry Victor!" Yuuri objected, "Why would you think I would change my mind? I've loved you forever, Victor! Married or not married, that's not going to change. We don't have to be married for you to know how I feel about you."

"Ah," Victor backpedaled, slipping his arms around Yuuri, who had stepped back slightly at the odd question, "I'm sorry, Yuuri. Don't worry about it. I just didn't like it when you said you were ending things with me as your coach. I'm not letting you get away."

"Victor," Yuuri chided him, smiling charmingly and touching his face admiringly, "I'm moving to Saint Petersburg to live with you. You are my coach and my lover. I am not going to leave you."

A flicker of doubt rose in Victor's eyes for a moment, then swiftly disappeaered. The song the two were dancing to came to an end and they moved out of the dance area to the tables to pick up fresh glasses of champagne. Phichit touched Yuuri's arm, and the two began to chat. Victor noticed Yakov a short distance away and turned to Yuuri.

"Yuuri, I will be right back. I need to ask Yakov a few things."

"Okay," Yuuri said, nodding, then turning his attention back to his Thai friend.

"Yurio, Chris and a few others and I have a bet about who can do the best quad loop."

"You can't do a quad loop, can you?" Yuuri laughed.

"No, but I'm drunk enough to try, aren't you?"

"It sounds dangerous…" Yuuri said more seriously.

"Just come and watch, then. It will be funny!" Phichit urged him.

Yuuri glanced at Victor, who was still conversing with Yakov.

"All right," he agreed, "I'll come and watch."

Phichit grabbed his hand and half-dragged Yuuri out of the banquet room and back down to the now-deserted ice rink they had used for the Grand Prix Finals Exhibition Show a few hours before.

"It was your idea, Chris," Yurio said, pointing to the darkened rink, "You first."

Chris shrugged and snickered.

"You may all just give up after seeing this. I may not land the loop, but it will be the sexiest quad loop known to man."

Yuuri and Phichit exchanged glances, laughing.

Chris put on his skates, then looked around before skating out to the center of the ice. He skated the perimeter several times, then moved back towards the middle, gaining speed. He threw himself into the air, managing a triple loop, plus a little, before landing awkwardly and falling. The other skaters burst into laughter.

"My turn! My turn!" Yurio shouted, moving out, onto the ice as a swaying Chris made his way back to the others, "Get out of the way, loser!"

"I think he's had less to drink than the rest of us," Phichit whispered to Yuuri.

"I think you're right," Yuuri whispered back, watching closely as Yurio built up speed and launched himself into the air.

"Over rotation!" Yuuri exclaimed as Yurio landed badly and barely avoided falling by putting his hand on the ice, "But he got in enough rotations. He's the best so far."

"I guess it's my turn," Phichit said, heading for the ice as Yurio exited and moved to stand next to Yuuri.

"You going to try it, pork cutlet bowl?" he asked, eyeing Yuuri questioningly, "How well do you think you'll do?"

"I've landed it once in practice, but not perfectly," Yuuri confessed.

The two watched as Phichit attempted the jump and fell, then Yurio gave Yuuri a look of challenge.

"Well?"

"Eh…" Yuuri said, looking uncomfortably at the doors to the rink, "Victor…"

"Victor's back getting drunk with everyone and making an ass of himself," Yurio huffed, "I want to know if you're going to try it! If not, then I win too easily. At least challenge me!"

"W-well," Yuuri sighed, looking out at the ice, "okay."

He stepped out, onto the ice and skated around several times to warm up.

_I did land the jump in practice, but it wasn't clean, and for some reason, Victor yelled at me afterward. I didn't understand the reaction at the time. He never complains about me trying other, riskier things. He seems to hate that jump in particular. I wonder why._

Yuuri turned and headed back across the rink, gaining speed.

_I have the quad toe loop, the salchow and the flip in my roster now. It would be great to add another quad…_

He took a steadying breath and threw his agile body into the air. As his slim form spun, his eye caught a flash of silver near the entry doors.

_Victor?_

The moment of distraction proved disastrous as he over rotated and he crashed down awkwardly onto both skates. His right leg buckled and he fell gracelessly onto the ice, gasping as he felt a sharp pain in his ankle.

"YUURI!" Victor howled, running onto the ice and slipping and sliding as he rushed to his fallen lover's side, "Yuuri, are you all right?"

Yuuri lifted his right leg and touched his right foot to the ice, immediately wincing at even the light contact.

"Damn it!" Victor seethed, grabbing Yuuri's injured leg and swiftly working the foot free from the skate, "Get ice! Hurry!"

"Victor, it's probably just a sprain," Yuuri said, panting softly in distress.

"You don't know what it is!" Victor scolded him, "Yuuri, you know better than to do something stupid like this and get yourself injured! At our ages…"

He paused, noting the way the others were cautiously watching them and looking guilt ridden.

"Do you understand?" he asked more softly, taking Yuuri's shaking hand in his, "A bad enough strain on the tendons, anything that requires surgery. These things, even if the bones are not broken…they can be career-ending, Yuuri."

"I'm sorry," Yuuri whispered, his face paling to nearly sheet white, "I wasn't thinking, Victor."

Victor lifted Yuuri into his arms and carefully moved back to the edge of the rink, where he found Yakov chewing out a red-faced Yurio, while Phichit and Chris endured the same from their angry coaches.

"Do you need help with him, Vitya?" Yakov asked, pausing in his tirade.

"I have him," Victor said solemnly, "Don't tell anyone anything. We don't want everyone to get in trouble. We'll just say that Yuuri fell in practice."

Yakov nodded and glared at Yuuri, who groaned and buried his face in Victor's shoulder.

"You are lucky all of you didn't break your ankles, doing something stupid like this while drunk and in the dark! You fools! We should report this and get all of you banned! Get out of here and never embarrass your coach that way again!"

Tears filled Yuuri's eyes and he buried his face deeper in Victor's shoulder as the elder skater carried him to their waiting limousine.

"I'm sorry," Yuuri sobbed, "I'm really sorry, Victor. You're right, it was stupid. I drank too much and let Yurio tease me into playing along. If…"

"Shh," Victor soothed him, kissing him lightly on the mouth, "No more of that. You'll be fine. I promise, you'll be okay."


	2. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor struggles with a bad memory.

Yuuri sat silently on an examination table, watching as a young male nurse carefully wrapped his injured ankle.

"Doctor Crespo will be in with the results of your x-rays in just a few minutes," the nurse informed him, "As soon as I'm done, here, I'll go and bring your fiancé in to see you. He's been pretty anxious about how things are going."

"That sounds like Victor," Yuuri sighed, lowering his eyes, "I really upset him."

The nurse gave him a sympathetic look.

"Are you in any pain now, Mr. Katsuki?" he asked.

"Yeah," Yuuri admitted, "It's pretty bad."

"Okay, I'll let Doctor Crespo know so that he can prescribe something for you."

"Thanks," Yuuri said, dispiritedly.

"It's no problem," the nurse answered, smiling encouragingly.

Yuuri watched the young man leave, then turned his head to look out the window.

_Victor is right to be angry at me. I was stupid, trying to do difficult jumps when I had been drinking. I wonder if he's still mad._

He heard the door open and looked back to see Victor entering the room. He read his fiancé's serious expression and felt his heart sink.

_He's worried, but he's also still angry._

_I guess I deserve it, but…_

"Yuuri."

_It's weird. Victor has been mad at me before. He usually just yells a little and we work things out. This time, he's angry, but it's like he's holding it back. I can see the tension in his body and hear it in his voice, but it's like he's trying really hard not to let it out. We both know I deserve it. Why won't he tell me what I already know he's thinking? What's going on with him?_

"Hey, Victor, I'm sorry they made you wait out there for so long."

"It's fine," Victor answered quietly.

He moved closer to Yuuri and slipped an arm around him.

"Are you in pain?"

"Some, but the nurse said that I'll be getting something for that."

"You should be sure to wait long enough after drinking…"

"We've been here for hours, waiting to get in, then x-rays, then the MRI. I think it's been long enough. It's already morning."

"Hmm."

Yuuri bit his lip gently, fighting back threatening tears.

"I know you're still angry."

"I'm not angry," Victor said, more quietly.

"I can tell you are," Yuuri insisted, "and I deserve it. I was careless with my body and I got injured because of that. You're my coach. You've put nearly a year of effort into training me. You took time out of your own training to do that, and I thanked you by…"

"Stop it. I know you're sorry," Victor said, blinking back tears of his own, "I just hope this is a sprain and nothing is broken in the joint."

"Yeah, I hope so too," Yuuri agreed, leaning into Victor's embrace.

Victor managed a sad smile and kissed the top of Yuuri's head, then rested his chin there. The two held each other silently as they waited together.

_I know I already said that I was sorry, but I wish there was a way to make things okay between us again. Usually, Victor doesn't stay upset for very long. He has a hot temper, so he lets it out and it's usually gone. I've never seen him hold back like this. It's almost like he's afraid to let me know he's still upset._

"You're shaking," Victor said suddenly, "Are you cold? You can use my jacket."

"No, it's okay," Yuuri assured him, "I'm not cold, just a little scared."

"I am too."

The two stiffened as a soft knock sounded on the door, then the doctor returned to the examination room.

"Yuuri, Victor, thank you for waiting," he said cordially, "I've looked over your x-rays and I still found no breaks. We'll have the results of the MRI in a day or so. In the meantime, I am going to give you a brace to wear when you have to be on your feet. You are a figure skater, so you already know what I'm going to tell you."

Yuuri nodded.

"Rest, ice, compression and elevation."

"Yes," the doctor affirmed, "Do not put any weight on that ankle until the results are in and we know if there are any small fractures in the joint. We will treat this carefully, because, as a competitive skater, you put a great deal of pressure on your hips, knees and ankles. Now, were there any other injuries? My nurse said you felt a little dizzy when you first arrived. We didn't see any signs of concussion."

"It was probably that I'd been drinking champagne," Yuuri suggested.

"There is no dizziness now?"

"None," Yuuri assured him.

"Good," the doctor said approvingly, "I've prescribed pain medication that you can take as needed, until the pain can be controlled by over the counter medication. Start with one capsule and use a second if the first is not enough. Be sure to wait long enough for your body to have fully metabolized the alcohol."

Yuuri nodded.

"I will, thanks."

He sat quietly, only clenching his teeth slightly at the discomfort as the doctor placed the heavy brace on his ankle, showing the two how to adjust and remove the device.

"If our specialist finds any breaks, I will call you back to place your foot in a cast. Hopefully, it won't come to that, but you are going to have to be very careful as you recover, not to re-injure yourself, Mr. Katsuki."

"I understand."

"I will be calling in a special therapist to work with Yuuri as he begins to train again," Victor informed the doctor.

"That is a good idea."

"Thank you, Doctor Crespo," Yuuri said gratefully.

"Take care, Mr. Katsuki," the doctor answered, smiling at him, "I want to see you competing again soon."

"Thank you."

Yuuri watched as the doctor left the room, then looked at Victor silently.

"We should get you back to the hotel," Victor said, helping him to his feet.

Yuuri cooperated quietly as the two picked up his pain medication, then caught a taxi, heading back to the hotel. They exchanged only a few words during the ride and even fewer as Yuuri undressed and settled into his bed. He laid on his back, resting his injured foot on several pillows.

"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep this way," he sighed wearily.

Victor gave no answer, but slipped his jacket off and removed his shoes, then he laid down next to his injured partner, snuggling up against Yuuri's side and holding him gently as he drifted off. But as soon as Yuuri was sleeping, he left the bed and retrieved his shoes and jacket.

_I should sleep, but I feel too unsettled. It's too early for drinking, so maybe a long walk. Anything to break the tension. I know Yuuri senses something isn't right with me. I want to talk about it, but I just feel it happening all over again. An accident on the ice. Doctors. Reports. Waiting and hoping._

He left the hotel and walked down the street, heading into a nearby park, following a pretty, hedge-lined path.

_Disaster. Disappointment. A growing distance._

His feet stopped, and Victor's tired eyes focused on a pretty red flower with one blackened petal. He drew in a slow, shaky breath, closing his eyes and hearing Evgeni's voice in his mind.

_"Get out, Victor! I don't want you to see me like this!" the blonde skater screamed, his voice breaking._

_"You don't know what you're saying," Victor insisted, trying to sound calm, but a tremor invading his voice, "Evgeni…"_

_"GET OUT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE!" his injured friend howled._

_Victor's face paled._

_"That's crazy, Evgeni," he whispered, his eyes tearing, "What are you saying? I love you. I want to help you!"_

_"Are you stupid or something? I told you I don't want you here!" Evgeni shouted, "You heard what they said, Victor. Even if they can heal it, it will be forever before I can put on skates again."_

_"That doesn't matter!" Victor shouted back, laying a hand on Evgeni's arm, only to have it pushed away roughly by the other man, "Evgeni, stop it! Don't be like this. Lots of skaters get injured. It doesn't mean that it's over."_

_"It's over for us," the blonde man snapped, closing his eyes tightly, "Get away from me, Victor. I can't look at you without feeling sick inside. Just go. Please, just go."_

_Victor turned towards the door, pausing to let his teary eyes meet their coach's._

_"Yakov," he managed in a harsh whisper, "take care of him. And…let me know when he's willing to see me."_

Victor sucked in a shaky breath and rubbed at his eyes.

_Yuuri is not Evgeni._

But even the truth in the words gave him no comfort.

_He probably only has a sprain, not a break. Evgeni's leg broke. Yuuri's ankle was just twisted. Even if it takes awhile to heal…_

He felt a quiver inside as he remembered the long, lonely days after Evgeni had left him.

_That was when I decided that I could only find new strength alone. I threw everything I had into my skating, and it made me famous…but it was all built on throwing things away at the end of every season and starting over. I did the same thing in my love life. I never dated a man other than Evgeni. I only saw women, and it never lasted long. As soon as I saw their eyes begin to look settled when they looked at me, I ended it. People thought I was screwing around because of how many women wanted to be with me. In truth, I wasn't running to them, I was running away from the memory of the person I loved. I opened my heart to Evgeni. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him, but…I don't know what happened. I don't know why he left me. What did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong? What was it?_

_I don't want to make that mistake with Yuuri._

_I don't think I could handle it if he left me._

Victor startled as he felt his phone vibrate. Blinking to bring himself out of the haze he felt himself in, he glanced at the number.

"Yuuri," he whispered, his heart aching.

_Why am I so afraid to go back there?_

_Yuuri is not Evgeni._

_He is Yuuri Katsuki, and I know that he loves me._

_He won't leave me._

_Yuuri won't leave me._

He stared at the flashing numbers, unable to move as the phone continued to vibrate in his hand. When it finally stopped, he stared at it until it vibrated shortly, once more, to signal the arrival of a message. Taking a steadying breath, he pushed the buttons to hear the message.

"Victor, I woke up and you were gone and there was no message. Are you all right? You were pretty upset before. Can you call me?"

Victor sighed and touched the button to stop listening.

"Hey," a male voice called out from behind him, "Victor."

Victor turned and found a scowling Yurio standing a few feet away, watching him.

"What's going on? How is the pork cutlet bowl doing? Is he okay?" the younger skater asked.

"It looks like a sprain," Victor answered in a weary voice, "but we are waiting for the results of the MRI."

"So, what are you doing out here in the cold, staring into space?"

"Yuuri is sleeping."

"Bullshit. He just texted me, looking for you, which means he texted you first and you ignored him."

"I didn't ignore him," Victor said, irritably, glancing at his phone again.

_Damn it! Three messages? I thought it only vibrated that once. He texted twice also._

"I should go back."

"You want me to go with you?" Yurio asked, "You look a little rattled."

"I'm fine," Victor lied.

"You know, you're a shitty liar, Victor."

"Get out of here, Yurio," Victor sighed, closing his eyes.

The younger man's scowl deepened.

"If you don't love him, then you need to tell him," Yurio growled, "Don't be a douche and string him along, thinking you'll tell him later. He's a little piggy, but leave him some pride."

Victor let out a piqued breath.

"What makes you think I'll ever leave Yuuri?" he asked, shaking his head.

"He's there, worrying about you and you're ignoring him. If you're not leaving him, then you're asking him to leave you."

Victor frowned.

"You think he's going to think that?" he asked.

Yurio crossed his arms and glared at his friend petulantly.

"What the hell would you think if it was him doing this to you?"

_Damn, he's right!_

_Yuuri…_

XXXXXXXXXX

Yuuri picked up his phone and quickly read through his friends' replies.

"Victor," he breathed softly, "where are you?"

His body throbbed, through his back and hips, down his right leg and in his injured ankle. He glanced at the clock and sighed in relief that enough time had passed so that he could start his pain medication.

_Ah, but I left it in the bathroom._

He sat up in the bed and picked up the foot brace from the nightstand. His hands fumbled with the device, and he managed to slide his foot in, but struggled to remember exactly how it was properly fastened. As he worked with the stubborn straps and clips, the ache in his body grew more powerful. Sweat broke out on his face and he panted softly in distress.

_Come on, it can't be that hard! I should be able to do this. It'd go faster if I wasn't hurting so much my eyes are watering._

He let out an impatient breath and let the annoying device drop onto the floor. Moving cautiously, he climbed out of bed, putting all of his weight on his good foot and holding the injured one away from the floor. He took a few hopping steps to the end of the bed, groaning as the jolting motion made his other sore joints ache more fiercely.

_It hurts so bad, I feel dizzy._

_I need that medication._

He took a shuddering breath and let go of the bed, gritting his teeth as he hopped towards the bathroom. With each jolting move, his discomfort and dizziness grew, until the room seemed to spin and his injured foot lowered to the floor. Instantly, harsher pain shocked his body, and Yuuri's vision darkened ominously.

_Oh no!_

He felt his body falling and fresh pain radiated in his head. Victor's frantic voice sounded far away, calling his name repeatedly. But even that faded into the rushing sound that filled his ears.

"V-victor," he whispered, catching just a glimpse of his lover's white face and frightened eyes.

_Victor, you came back._


	3. Playing with Hearts made of Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri learns the full extent of his injury, and he and Victor work to adjust their plans.

Victor's soft, muffled voice sounded distantly in Yuuri's still spinning mind, nudging him back out of the dark and quiet place he had found himself in. He tried to focus on the sound, but it seemed to come at him from all directions. He called back, but his own voice echoed too loudly in his aching head, making him groan in distress. He wanted to cover his ears in protest, but couldn't make his heavy limbs move. He gave in with a shuddering sigh and let himself drift for a time. Victor's voice faded away, and he was troubled by a series of strange dreams…dreams of trying to perfect a difficult jump, but every time he turned and tensed his body for the move, Victor skated into his path, wearing an angry expression and throwing off his timing so that he fell repeatedly.

"Yuuri?"

The voice that cut through his dream this time was not Victor's, but a familiar, feminine one. He cracked his heavy eyelids open and found himself looking up at his sister's worried face.

"Mari-nee-chan?" he whispered, his throat aching with dryness.

A second face appeared beside his sister's, wearing a disapproving scowl.

"You scared us to death, you know."

"Minako-sensei," Yuuri managed dizzily.

He blinked to clear his vision and quickly realized he was no longer at the hotel, but was, instead, lying in a hospital bed.

"Wh-what?" he exclaimed, trying to sit up.

"Hey, stop it!" Minako scolded him, pushing him back down, "You're supposed to move slowly until you're all of the way awake."

"Where…where is Victor?" Yuuri asked, looking around.

The two women exchanged glances and pointed down at a collapsed body that sat in a chair by the bed and laid partially across Yuuri's soft belly.

"He passed out a couple of hours ago," Mari explained in a disapproving tone, "Between you injuring your ankle and spending all night in the ER, then falling and giving yourself a concussion, he hadn't slept in two days, you know. A person can only take so much, Yuuri."

Yuuri gazed down to where the fingers of one of his hands were entangled with his exhausted partner's.

"What were you doing, running around without your brace on, anyway?" Minako asked pointedly, "You didn't think that was a bad idea?"

"I wasn't really able to think," Yuuri confessed softly, running the fingers of his free hand through Victor's soft, silvery hair, "I was hurting really badly, and I couldn't get the brace on. Victor wasn't there, so I tried to hop to the bathroom. I got dizzy and I guess I fell."

"Victor came in just as you collapsed," Minako informed him, "I think you scared about ten years of life off the guy. He's been a complete wreck. He wouldn't leave you for a second, even though it was obvious he was barely on his feet."

"How do you feel now?" Mari asked.

"I'm dying of thirst, and my head aches a little, but the pain isn't so bad in my ankle anymore."

Mari poured him a glass of water and looked on in amusement as he gulped it down.

"That's because they've got you kind of doped up right now," Minako informed him.

"Did the results of the MRI come back yet?" asked Yuuri.

"Not yet," Minako replied, "Victor was bugging the hell out of them about that. I think the nurses here were glad when he finally went to sleep."

"We were making bets on whether they might've slipped something into his water," Mari snickered, "Victor's usually good, working people with his charms, but he wasn't really himself."

"Yeah," Yuuri agreed, "He hasn't really seemed like himself since I fell and got hurt. I don't know exactly what's wrong."

"Did you ask him?" Mari inquired.

"I couldn't," Yuuri sighed, "He was too busy fussing over me to answer any questions, then he was out the door too fast for me to wake up and ask him anything."

"Sounds like someone has something heavy on his mind," Minako concluded, "You should have a talk with him as soon as he wakes up, Yuuri. It's not good to keep things bottled up."

"You're right," Yuuri agreed, looking down at his sleeping partner's troubled face, "Whatever's bugging him, we need to just get it out in the open."

Mari looked down at her watch, then gave Yuuri a regretful look.

"Hey, we have to go. Our flight leaves soon for home," she told him in a still worried tone, "Are you and Victor going to be all right?

"Yeah," Yuuri assured her, teasing his sleeping fiancé's hair again with his fingers, "we'll be okay now."

"We cancelled your flight home that was for today," Mari went on, "The airline said to just give them a call and they'll rebook the flight when you're released from the hospital."

"Do you know when that's supposed to be?" asked Yuuri.

"The doctor should be in sometime this morning," Minako answered, "He'll let you know. I expect, now that you're awake and it seems like you're okay, you'll probably go home today."

"Yuuri," said Mari, "be sure to call Mom and Dad. They want to know you're okay. I told them, but I think they'd feel better if they heard it from you."

Yuuri nodded.

"I'll call them," he promised.

He watched quietly as the two women left, then he turned his attention to his collapsed and softly snoring fiancé.

_What's going on with you, Victor? At first, I thought it was just me. I thought maybe I was seeing something that wasn't really there…you know, worrying too much about nothing. But Mari and Minako noticed it too. There's something going on with you that we really need to talk about. You're not okay. And if Victor's not okay, then I'm not either._

_We need to talk this out._

_He heard a footstep in the doorway and looked up to see his doctor entering the room with a female nurse at his side._

__

"Good morning, Mr. Katsuki," the doctor greeted him with a smile, "Rosa, here, is going to take your vital signs, while we talk."

__

At the sound of the doctor's voice, Victor jumped awake.

__

"My apologies, Victor," the doctor chuckled, "Didn't mean to wake you."

__

"It's fine," Victor answered, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

__

He climbed to his feet and moved the chair out of the way, so the nurse could get closer, then he stood back, watching intently as the doctor continued.

__

"I have the results of your MRI, and the news, while not being the best possible, is still reasonably good."

__

"What did you find?" Victor asked anxiously, "Was there a break in his ankle?"

__

"There was," the doctor affirmed, "but it is a small chip fracture that is likely to heal completely, without surgery. You see, there are three levels or types of chip fractures. The one that Yuuri sustained, was, thankfully, the least serious. It will require a cast for eight weeks, then some physical therapy to regain the full motion and strength of the joint, but there is every reason to believe that Yuuri will be back in competition by the next skating season."

__

Yuuri's face fell.

__

"So, it looks like nationals and world championships are out for this year," he said dispiritedly.

__

"That is true," the doctor confirmed, "but the important thing is that you should recover fully, and without any surgery. The chip fracture is very small. It's just best to take a cautious approach because of your age, and also the fact that you skate competitively."

__

Yuuri noticed suddenly the fact that Victor hadn't said anything during the doctor's explanation. He stole a glance at his fiancé and flinched inwardly as he read the crestfallen look on Victor's handsome face. The doctor followed Yuuri's gaze and nodded briefly.

__

"I'm going to go and put in the order for the cast. Someone should be with you shortly to take care of that. As soon as it's on, my nurse will see that you're discharged. It will be a walking cast, so you should be able to get around without falling and knocking yourself out again."

__

"Sorry about that," Yuuri said ruefully, "I guess I wasn't paying close enough attention to how to work the straps on the brace, and I was dizzy from the pain."

__

"Are you hurting now?" the doctor asked.

__

"Not in the ankle, but my head is still throbbing a little."

__

"From the concussion," the doctor noted, "You're lucky there, too. It's a minor concussion. Just take it easy for a few days and let us know if you experience anything like double vision, trouble walking, nausea, vomiting or fainting."

__

"We will," Victor promised.

__

"Do me another favor," the doctor said, smiling good-naturedly, "Make sure, Victor goes home and gets a good night's sleep too. He looks like he's about to fall over."

__

"I'll do that," Yuuri said gratefully, "Thanks, Doctor Crespo. Victor and I appreciate all you've done for us."

__

"It's no problem. Just take care of yourself and don't rush your recovery. I have a good feeling about you. By next season, you should be back in top form."

__

Yuuri swallowed hard and gave Victor a tentative look as the doctor and nurse left the room.

__

_Why is Victor looking back at me like that? Like he's still afraid? I have a minor fracture that will heal with time and care. He should know I'll take care of myself. Although…if I'd been taking care of myself, I wouldn't have let Yurio goad me into making that jump while I was impaired. I made a really bad decision, and now Victor and I are both paying for it. I don't even know what to say to him. I've already apologized several times, and he told me to stop._

__

"You look really beat," he said, finally breaking the silence between them, "We should stay another night before going home."

__

Victor shook his head firmly.

__

"We need to get you back to Hasetsu and focus on your healing."

__

"Victor," Yuuri objected, "you know the Russian nationals are coming up fast. You're supposed to train for that. How are you going to put together your programs and practice enough if you are fussing over me? M-maybe you ought to go on to Saint Petersburg and I'll fly out when I get the stupid cast off and I'm ready for…"

__

"NO!" Victor shouted, his reddened eyes blazing, "I'm not leaving you!"

__

Yuuri stared back at him in surprise.

__

"But, you need to…"

__

"I'm _not_ returning to Russia without you, and that's not negotiable!" his agitated fiancé snapped, "I will work on my program and training in Hasetsu, and go back to Russia with you, when you are ready to start physical therapy."

__

"But your _coach_ is in Russia!" Yuuri argued, "If you want to win…"

__

"Damn it! Don't you understand, Yuuri? I don't care at all about _winning_. I care about getting you back on the ice."

__

"Well, that's not going to happen for more than eight weeks," Yuuri reminded him, "You've put your life on hold for me enough, and I already feel guilty that I did something stupid that's going to cost me my first chance at the four continents and world championships. Now, you're going to throw away your chances just to baby-sit me? I've got my whole family to take care of me. I will be fine while you go back and train."

__

"I'm not going back without you, and that's final, Yuuri. So, just stop talking about it."

__

"Fine," Yuuri said stubbornly, "then, we'll both go to Saint Petersburg now."

__

"But half of my belongings are still in Hasetsu," Victor insisted, "We have to go there first."

__

"No, we don't," Yuuri assured him, "I'm used to living out of a suitcase. We both are. We'll be fine doing that until our things are shipped over from Japan. Look, if you don't want to leave me in Hasetsu, fine! Just…let's not make things worse for ourselves by throwing off your training. I don't want that, and even though you're not thinking straight right now, I know you don't want that either."

__

"You don't want to go and recover near your family?" Victor asked, "They would be able to help out a lot. I'm not close to my parents. I don't know if you'll even meet them."

__

"Well, there's Yurio and Georgi, Mila. I heard Otabeck is going to change his home rink too. We'll have lots of friends around. It'll be okay."

__

Yuuri gave a little laugh.

__

"Besides, you know if I'm not training, I'll just get fat on my parent's cooking."

__

"Hmm, we'll have to find ways to work around that cast," Victor mused, "But…I suppose if this is what you want."

__

"I want to stay close to you. I love you, Victor. I know I made you mad, and worried you, but it'll be okay now. We just need to get to Russia and settle in."

__

"All right," Victor replied, moving closer and wrapping his arms tightly around Yuuri, then nuzzling his cheek, "If that's what you want to do."

__

"It is."

__

The two men went quiet for several minutes, just holding each other and exchanging a few gentle kisses. Then, Yuuri sat back slightly, looking into Victor's tired eyes questioningly.

__

"Victor," he said more quietly, "are you…okay? I mean, I already know you're really tired, but, you haven't been yourself, ever since I got injured. What's bothering you? I know there's something on your mind. Can you talk to me about it?"

__

Victor looked back at him silently for a moment, then let out a little, dismissive laugh.

__

"I'm fine, Yuuri," he said reassuringly, "As long as you're close to me, I'm fine."

__

"I'm not going anywhere," Yuuri said, hugging him and kissing his cheek, "not without you."

__

"Not even now?" Victor asked in a suddenly haunted tone, "now that you are…?"

__

He stopped himself and shook his head, forcing the thought away.

__

"Now that I'm what?" Yuuri persisted, "What were you going to say, Victor?"

__

Come on. 

__

Talk to me.

__

Victor gave him a disarming smile.

__

"It was nothing. I really am fine, Yuuri. I just…needed to know that you are still with me."

__

"Why wouldn't I be?" Yuuri asked, tilting his head and smiling warmly, "I always want to be close to you. I spent most of my life, just wishing I could someday talk to you. To know that I have Victor's love means everything to me."

__

"You mean everything to me too, Yuuri," Victor sighed, burying his face in his fiancé's shoulder to hide the tears that threatened in the corners of his eyes, "You know that, right?"

__

"Yeah, I know. It's just…I get afraid sometimes when you disappear and don't answer when I call you. I feel afraid at those times, because I don't know why you won't talk to me."

__

Victor took a slow breath and nodded.

__

"Sometimes, I just need to put my thoughts in order, so I can talk to you without yelling at you. I don't like making you cry, so I try to calm down and think first."

__

"Is that what you were doing before?" Yuuri asked, "Putting your thoughts together?"

__

"I was," Victor explained, "It was wrong for me not to make that clear to you before I left. And if you call, I should always answer, even if I have to ask you to wait for me. I promise you, I will do that from now on, Yuuri. If you wake and I am not with you, I will always let you know where I am."

__

"That's a big relief," Yuuri admitted, burrowing into Victor's arms, "I was worried earlier. I didn't know if maybe you were thinking of leaving me."

__

"Yuuri," Victor chided him, kissing his lips to stop the words, "I would never do that. Don't you know already?"

__

Yuuri gave him a helpless look.

__

"How would I know?" he asked softly, his brown eyes misting, "Victor is the only person who ever fell in love with me. I don't know what you're thinking unless you tell me. And if you don't talk to me, I get afraid that it could be that you're falling out of love with me. Now that I can't dance for you for awhile, what reason would you have to notice me? My dancing is what lured you to me. You tell me that all of the time. If my ankle is broken and I can't dance for you, then who might lure you away, Victor?"

__

A look of realization spread across Victor's face, and he hugged Yuuri crushingly close.

__

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Yuuri's ear, pausing to kiss a tender, flushed earlobe, "I keep forgetting that you have nothing to compare to. Of course you're going to be afraid sometimes. But you never have to worry. You may not have been my first lover, but you will be my last, Yuuri. Place that thought in your heart…and never worry that I'll leave you. Just you don't leave me either. There's no other dancer who will lure me."

__

"Liar!" Yuuri laughed, blinking away the threatening tears, "You can't stop looking at every other skater we compete against. You notice everyone!"

__

"Maybe," Victor said, giving him a saucy smirk, "but I only love you."

__


	4. The Music Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri travels to Saint Petersburg, where he will be living with Victor.

Victor leaned against Yuuri's shoulder, closing his eyes and giving a little sigh as the plane rumbled down the runway, gathering speed, then rising slowly into the air. He smiled as he felt Yuuri's warm hand find his and their fingers entangled. Lulled by the hum of the engines, it was easy to drift off. Better rested than his Russian partner, Yuuri nuzzled the top of Victor's head, breathing slowly and trying to ignore the residual aches that defied even the powerful pain reliever he had taken.

_I'm never letting Yurio tease me into being so stupid like that again. I know he feels bad about what happened to me, but it's not really his fault. I made my own stupid decision. I just have to live with the consequences now. At least, Victor and I were able to talk some. I know there's more than what he told me, but maybe he just needs time to figure out the right words to explain to me. I could tell he was really trying. I felt the love he was expressing and I did feel comforted. Victor looks better too. He looks really happy, just sleeping there, against my shoulder._

_I wonder when Victor will first make love to me._

He felt an odd tickle in his belly and loins at the thought, and a blush rose on his cheeks.

_I'm sure it will happen, now that we are going to live together. I wonder what it will be like. It doesn't feel strange anymore to be touched by him. It used to make me feel dizzy and weak every time he put his hands on me for any reason. Now, I just feel warm and connected to him. I still blush and feel flustered by him. It's just that I've grown up a little, so it's not so scary to think about having sex with him._

_I'm starting to look forward to it._

_Since I've never had sex before, I don't know exactly what to expect. I mean, I did search a little for information. Victor would have explained to me, if I asked, but I was too embarrassed. I don't know how Victor can be so relaxed about those things. I guess that is the confidence he has from being with other partners. Or…maybe it's just that Victor is less nervous and more confident about everything than I am. He doesn't seem to mind that I get flustered. He said he thinks it's cute. Maybe that's true to a point, but I looked up the information because when we do take that step, I need to know what I'm doing, so no one gets hurt._

_I think I blushed for more than a whole day when I read the description of what it would be like. I mean, I got aroused, thinking of being touched and penetrated that way by Victor, then I wondered if he will want me to…_

_God, I'm blushing again…and Victor is awake and looking at me!_

"That must be a happy thought," Victor chuckled, squeezing his hand, "Are you having hot fantasies about us?"

"Victor!" Yuuri scolded him.

"Well, you're the one sitting there with that pretty flush all over your face. You were thinking about us, right?" Victor teased playfully.

"Well, I wasn't thinking about a pork cutlet bowl. That's for sure," he joked.

Victor's eyes widened in an almost childlike fashion.

"Really? You were thinking about us?" he asked excitedly, "Were we skating or was it…"

"Stop it, Victor!" Yuuri complained, turning his head and leaning away as his excitable partner tried to kiss him, "I'm embarrassed to do this in public. We can talk about it when we get to Saint Petersburg."

Yuuri froze, his brown eyes slightly rounded as Victor's soft lips brushed against his earlobe and his voice dropped to barely above a whisper.

"I've been thinking about that too."

 _I'll bet he has_ , Yuuri thought dryly, Victor's made no secret of the fact that he's been ready for a sexual relationship from the beginning. I'm the only reason we haven't started one.

_God, I feel so lame!_

_What's wrong with me?_

"You need to stop looking like you're going to jump out of your skin every time we start talking about sex, Yuuri. Try to think about it differently. You enjoyed the exhibition skate we did together, yes?"

Yuuri smiled, relaxing slightly as he remembered.

_In a way, it was like I imagined making love would be…both of us together and enjoying the thrill of sharing those moves he had come up with alone, then I had learned just by watching him. Sharing them together like we did was like Victor acknowledging me in front of everyone…announcing publicly that our love is not just on the ice. It encompasses our whole lives now._

"Making love," Victor said, keeping his voice soft, "is like that, only without ice and without our costumes. You can imagine it, can't you? Bare flesh, so soft and warm where it touches more bare flesh. Hands that move slowly, savoring each curve of your partner's entrusted body."

_Trust is really important to Victor. One of the first things he said to me when he became my coach was that a relationship like ours should be build on trust. It wasn't easy for me to yield that trust either. At first, just being close to Victor made me panic. My heart would pound, and I'd get dizzy and weak in the knees. When he touched me, I'd jump away, as if I'd been hit with an electric shock. When Victor saw me react like that, he slowed down and waited patiently for me to relax. He never stopped trying to get closer, but he tried to make me feel safe whenever we broke new ground…as just two people, as skater and coach…and now we'll do the same as we become lovers._

"Communicating through touch," Victor went on, "Eyes that meet, smiles and intakes of breath, moans and sighs, quivers, then that little shock of first joining."

"Victor?" Yuuri managed weakly, sweat drops forming on his forehead, "Can we please talk about this later? This isn't really the time to be getting overexcited."

"Am I getting you excited, Yuuri?" Victor teased, narrowing his eyes and grinning slyly as he breathed the words into his flustered partner's flushed ear.

"Quit it!" Yuuri complained, hitting him with a travel pillow, "You know I'm nervous about that."

Victor laughed and nuzzled into his shoulder.

"It's okay," he said easily, "I am too."

Yuuri's wide eyes blinked in surprise, and he turned his head to meet Victor's perfectly serious eyes.

"You?" he mused, lowering his voice carefully, "Nervous about us having sex?"

Victor shrugged.

"I've never had sex with another man before. Aren't you nervous about being penetrated? Why wouldn't I be nervous about it too?"

Yuuri's jaw dropped and he felt as though the air had been forcefully sucked out of his lungs.

_Victor's really going to let me penetrate him?_

_Really?_

"Yuuri," Victor said, frowning, "you don't look so good. You're going pale."

"I feel kinda dizzy again," Yuuri managed shakily.

"Should I call the flight attendant? Do you think it's the concussion? I was worried about you flying so soon, even though the doctor said it was okay."

"I, um, I don't think it's the concussion, but could we please just not talk anymore for awhile? I need to rest a little."

"Okay," Victor said, taking the pillow from Yuuri's hand and sliding it carefully under his unsettled partner's head again, "there you go. Close your eyes, Yuuri. Try to rest."

Yuuri really did try to go to sleep after that, but the warm, gentle press of Victor's body, the pleasant, luring scent and the lovely, happy expression he wore kept Yuuri wide awake and gazing at him as Victor dreamt contentedly on his shoulder.

_It amazes me how beautiful Victor is, without even trying. I know I'm attractive when I'm in costume and skating, but Victor radiates beauty all of the time, doing the most normal things. I love to watch the way his mouth curves around his food when he eats, how he tilts his head that familiar way when he is thinking, the way his lips smile when he sleeps._

_I should have tried harder to sleep. He's making me feel aroused just leaning up against me and sleeping like this. I'm feeling even more giddy than I was before. He's going to think that the concussion is making me ill, but it isn't my injured head at all. It's my throbbing heart that just won't slow down._

_I've got to calm down._

_Come on._

_Close your eyes._

_Breathe slowly and pretend you can't smell his erotic scent._

_Don't feel his fingers moving, tickling your palm._

_…his lips kissing…_

"Victor!" Yuuri exclaimed as his eyes flew open and he found his silver-haired fiancé leaning over him and tenderly kissing him.

"Sorry," Victor apologized, sounding not one bit sincere, "you were wearing such a sweet, adorable expression, I couldn't help it. I won't ask what you were thinking about. I'll only hope it was me."

"Of course it was you," Yuuri chided him, "Who else makes me blush all of the time?"

Yuuri winced suddenly and made a sound of pain. Victor's face took on a look of concern. He glanced at his watch and nodded.

"You need more medication, but you also need to eat something."

"I brought a few things," Yuuri said, stretching.

He flinched and sucked in a pained breath.

"Here, I'll get your carry on," Victor said, releasing the latch on his seatbelt and standing.

He opened the cabinet above them and searched for a moment before sitting down again with a bag of snacks and Yuuri's medication.

"Pardon me," he said, catching the attention of a flight attendant as she passed, "My fiancé needs water to take his medication."

The flight attendant smiled widely.

"Of course, Mr. Nikiforov. And…congratulations to the two of you."

Yuuri's blush roared back across his face in a darker shade.

"Th-thank you," he said sheepishly.

Victor opened a small bag of nuts and fed one to Yuuri as the flight attendant hurried off to get the water.

"You're not dizzy anymore, are you?" he asked.

"No," Yuuri answered, watching as Victor ate one of the nuts, then fed him another, "I'm okay. My ankle is just hurting, probably because I've been sitting here a long time."

"Maybe, once you take your medicine, you should get up and stretch your legs a little."

Yuuri nodded.

He smiled as the flight attendant returned and handed each of the young men their water.

"Thank you," Yuuri said, smiling gratefully.

"It's no problem," the young woman said kindly, "Let one of us know if you need anything else."

"Thank you. We will," Victor replied.

"We must be getting close to Saint Petersburg by now," Yuuri said, looking out the window.

Victor nodded and fed him several more nuts.

"We are almost there," he answered, following Yuuri's gaze out the window.

Yuuri slipped a pain pill into his mouth and swallowed it with some of the water, then finished the bag of nuts and leaned quietly against his fiancé again.

"Did you miss your home a lot while you were in Hasetsu?" he asked, blinking slowly.

Victor laughed softly.

"Some," he admitted, "I told you. But, I didn't have time to miss it very much, what with the Hot Springs on Ice competition, developing your program and training you, then attending your competitions. I was also eating pork cutlet bowls and drinking lots of alcohol. There wasn't time left to get homesick. Still, I am glad to come back. What about you? Did you miss home when you were away in Detroit, training?"

"Some," Yuuri sighed, "But, training and taking college classes kept me busy, so I almost didn't notice how long I was away. I did miss my home rink and my friends there."

"You'll be all right, living in Russia, won't you? You won't be unhappy being so far from them again?"

Yuuri smiled sleepily as he felt the pain reliever beginning to work.

"I'll be with you and Maccachin. And I already know some of the skaters who will be at the rink while we train."

"That's good. You probably want to learn a bit of Russian, since you'll be staying."

Yuuri nodded.

"I was thinking about doing that. I know where to find a good language program. I did the same thing when I went to America. Of course, I already had a basic knowledge of English before I went. I only know a few Russian exclamations you've used…and some of them aren't polite."

Victor laughed.

"I'm sure you'll learn quickly. I'll be happy to help you."

"Thanks."

Yuuri finished the last of his water, then raised the folding table in front of him. The two men watched out the window as the plane dropped lower, and they began to see the lights of the city down below them. The plane landed and the two disembarked. Yuuri pressed close to his fiancé as the two walked through the busy airport, stopping to pick up their luggage, then passing through customs. Yuuri sighed in relief when they climbed into a waiting taxi and left the airport, heading for Victor's home. The taxi let them off in front of a lovely stone fronted house in a quiet, gated community, and Victor led Yuuri to the front door.

Yuuri stopped in the entry, catching his breath and staring at the spotless walls and floor, the luxurious furnishings and expensive art.

"Are you all right?" Victor asked, watching him closely.

Yuuri nodded.

"I'm almost afraid to move, though. I might mess something up. Yutopia Katsuki looks a little more lived in…although, this is beautiful, Victor."

"I'm glad you like it. I don't spend much time here. I'm usually skating, so the bedroom is the most lived in room."

Victor paused and read Yuuri's expression carefully.

"Yuuri," he said thoughtfully, "you know, if you're still feeling unsure of things, you are welcome to use the guest room. Of course, I want you to share my room, but if you feel like that would be too…"

"It's fine," Yuuri assured him, trying to ignore the flutter in his chest, "I think I'll feel more secure sleeping close to you."

Victor gave him a pleased look.

"Okay, come this way."

He guided Yuuri into a huge bedroom with walls adorned with pictures and trophies from Victor's years of competitions. The bed was also oversized and looked enticingly soft.

"You look tired," Victor commented, "You can take a shower, if you like…or we can."

"All right," Yuuri agreed, blushing.

"Let me get the cover for your cast, so we don't get it wet."

Yuuri tried to look around the bedroom more, but found himself distracted again and again by the huge, wonderfully comfortable looking bed.

_So, I'll give up my virginity here?_

The thought made him shiver and tense unexpectedly.

 _It's okay,_ he chided himself, _It's just Victor. We know each other well now. We're not strangers anymore, and he's not a god, beyond my reach. He is beautiful, loving, charming Victor, my fiancé._

He smiled as Victor returned to the room and knelt in front of him to fasten the protective sleeve around his walking cast. Yuuri offered him a hand and helped him back to his feet, then forced himself to stay still as Victor's hands slowly undressed him.

"Don't start getting dizzy again," Victor chuckled, "I'm not going to try to seduce you yet. We both need to freshen up after that long trip back from Spain."

"I'm not dizzy," Yuuri assured him.

"You look a little unsteady."

"I'm just getting used to your house," Yuuri assured him.

As the last of his clothing fell away, Yuuri stood quietly and watched as Victor undressed.

Are Victor's hands looking a little unsteady too?

In moments, the two stood, naked and looking silently at each other. Victor extended a hand, and Yuuri nodded and accepted it. They entered the bathroom together, and Yuuri gasped softly at how spacious it was, with a double-headed shower and a huge, jetted tub. Victor turned on the shower and the two walked in, under the hot spray, Victor under one, and Yuuri under the other.

Yuuri started to reach for the soap, then froze as Victor's wet, slick hands began to rub thick, sweet smelling, foamy soap onto his back and shoulders. Unexpectedly, he found himself smiling and leaning into Victor's caretaking hands. He closed his eyes, and little sounds of contentment escaped him as he was slowly washed from head to toe, and his hair shampooed and conditioned. Victor finished and moved away, preparing to wash himself, then blinked in surprise as Yuuri stole the sponge from his hand and returned the tender, loving treatment.

"You don't have to do that," Victor complained, "You're tired and still hurting, aren't you?"

"I'm okay. And the one who's really tired must be you. You're the one who was up for two days, worrying about me, then not sleeping enough, taking care of me. I owe you, Victor. And besides, I like touching your soft skin."

Now it was Victor's turn to blush.

"Okay then," he laughed, shivering very slightly under Yuuri's comforting hands, "Thank you, Yuuri."

"No…thank you," Yuuri breathed into his ear, "Thank you for everything, Victor."


	5. Men are not Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally home in Saint Petersburg, Victor receives a shocking phone call.

Victor took his time, running a towel over Yuuri's bare, wet body, lingering over his firm, round bottom and grinning almost wickedly as he made his fiancé blush with a thorough pat dry of his pretty, flushed privates. Yuuri started to take the towel from his hands, but Victor shook his head firmly and nodded in the direction of the bed.

"You're dead on your feet. Go on. I'll take care of this and be there in a minute."

Yuuri looked a little disappointed, but at the same time, relieved. He turned away to dig through his suitcase, pulling out a cute set of pajamas, then he paused as he caught Victor watching him out of the corner of an eye. He bit his lip gently, his blush returning with a vengeance, then he dropped the pajamas back into his suitcase and crawled into bed, temptingly naked. Victor's heart skipped in his chest and it took some effort for him to attend to drying off, knowing that Yuuri wasn't just curled up in his bed, but was also freshly washed and warm, and yes, very, deliciously naked.

_Yuuri never sleeps naked, so he must be trying to tell me he's ready to be more serious. As alluring as that is, there's no way I am going to be having sex with him tonight. He's still hurting and hopped up on pain medication. But I don't want him to think I've lost interest._

_So…_

Victor dropped his towel onto the floor and walked slowly to the bed, well aware of Yuuri's eyes peeking out to watch him approach. He came to a stop at the side of the bed and placed his hands on his hips, narrowing his eyes.

"Who said you could have the side by the window?" he asked with mock seriousness.

Yuuri sat up, pulling the blankets up to keep himself covered.

"Oh, sorry. You want this side?" he asked in a flustered tone, "I'll move."

"Relax," Victor snickered, sliding in, under the covers, "I was kidding."

His eyes twinkled playfully and he kissed Yuuri on a flushed cheek.

"I can sleep on either side."

"But which do you like better?" Yuuri asked.

"Why, whichever side you're on, of course," Victor purred, curling up on his chest.

"Victor…" Yuuri laughed, relaxing slightly.

Victor felt a little flicker in his chest as Yuuri's hands held on to him, rather than pushing him away. He looked down into his fiancé's widened brown eyes and smiled affectionately.

"Are you hurting anywhere now?" he asked.

"Yeah, but just a little. I still have awhile until my next pain pill."

_We've been naked and near each other, but Yuuri's never slept naked next to me. We've fallen asleep, fully clothed and leaning against each other, but not like this._

"Do you need anything massaged?"

"Ah…"

_What a cute expression!_

"Um…"

_His scent is sweet, but definitely masculine. It's especially good here, under his chin. I could live here._

"Victor?"

"Hmm?"

He felt Yuuri take a shaky breath.

"I'm a little nervous," he admitted.

Victor smiled and burrowed more deeply under his chin.

"Well, don't be, because we're not having sex tonight."

"Huh?"

_Keep it simple._

_Small moves. Gentle words. Little touches._

He lifted his head and looked into Yuuri's confused eyes.

"You're recovering from an injury and on strong medication. If I make love to you right now, I might hurt you. And anyway, you won't remember it by morning. When we make love for the first time, I want us both to remember it. Get well first, Yuuri."

"Oh, right."

He started to duck under his fiancé's chin again, but caught Yuuri gazing at him with an uncertain expression.

"Yuuri?"

"Should I put my clothes back on, then?"

"No."

"It's not teasing you too much?"

"Yes, it is. But I like being teased by you."

_I love that sound he makes when I fluster him…that something between a little laugh and a helpless whimper. He really provokes me._

"Uh, what if I…I mean we're right up against each other. We're both aroused. We might have a wet dream."

"Mmhmm," Victor mumbled drowsily.

_So cute._

"W-well, I don't want to, um…"

"It's okay," Victor assured him, opening his eyes into slits, "We'll clean up in the morning."

He extended his tongue and ran the tip suggestively along the side of Yuuri's throat, instantly making the teased flesh turn bright red. Yuuri's brown eyes rounded and he sucked in a yelping breath.

"Okay," he managed a bit breathlessly, "Goodnight, Victor."

"Goodnight, Yuuri," Victor yawned, nuzzling back under his fiercely blushing partner's chin, "Sweet dreams, dry or wet."

"Victor!" Yuuri giggled.

He let out a long breath and relaxed, closing his eyes and just enjoying the warm weight of Victor's body against his. He remained awake as Victor's breaths slowed and deepened.

_I'm not happy about getting injured, but I am a little relieved to have time to get used to this. Not that I didn't want to be close to him. I just get so nervous that I'll do something wrong. I guess as much as I can learn to control my anxiety, it's always going to be there. Maybe I'll always struggle with it. I'm lucky to have someone like Victor, who knows how to work with what he has._

_I think that's what makes him different from the other coaches I had, growing up. They were good coaches. They saw my talent and helped me to improve. But, what was always lacking in my skating was the ability for me to relax enough to do my best in competition. Victor saw that, and he found ways to get me to focus, motivation to keep me that way. And he always moved in slow steps, never faster than I was ready to move. Now that we're staying together, he's doing the same with the personal things. He still takes me by surprise, but he works with what I'm ready to give, just giving me little nudges forward. I couldn't ask for a better partner._

_But I have to wonder…_

_What can I do for Victor?_

XXXXXXXXXX

Victor shifted in his sleep, cuddling closer to Yuuri as they slept, and dreaming.

He arrived at the dinner table late, apologizing hastily as he dropped into his seat, halfway between where his stern looking parents sat at either end of the table.

"Practice ran late again," he explained, brushing several long, silvery hairs away from his face.

"That is three times in the past week, Victor," his mother scolded him.

"I have a major competition in just a few weeks," he reminded her, "I have to practice if I want to win. It's my senior debut."

"You have responsibilities here," his father said shortly, "You haven't been working much at all lately."

"I work every minute I can, when I'm not skating, eating or sleeping!" he exclaimed, "I don't know what more you want. If I want to be the top male skater, I have to…"

"I don't approve of you, spending all of your time dancing around like a woman!" his father shouted, "I don't like you looking like that, dressing in frilly costumes and acting like a girl, wearing long hair and…and that boy you've been panting after. You're a man, Victor. You need to act like one."

"Stop it!" Victor snapped back at him, making his father's blue eyes darken and narrow with fury, "You can complain all you want about me, the way I look, the way I dress, that I love to skate, whatever! But I won't let you talk that way about Evgeni. He is a beautiful skater!"

"MEN ARE NOT BEAUITFUL!" his father roared, slamming his hands down on the table, "Women are beautiful. Men are handsome. They are gentlemen. They don't try to pretend they are women, Victor. If I had wanted a daughter, I would have called you Victoria. But you are not a woman and you have to grow up and stop acting like you are one!"

"Perhaps you are going too far, Alek," his mother suggested, "I think…"

"I know you mean well, Natalya," Alek said sternly, "but we've let him run wild, doing what he wants for too long. He is never going to make a living, dancing around like a fairy."

"I am the top junior skater in the world!" Victor shouted, "Does that mean nothing to you at all?"

"Oh yes, it means something," his father said angrily, "It means that we have spent endless sums of money on your skates, your coaches and your frilly costumes that you'll never be able to repay. Face it, Victor. You cannot make a living as a skater. It is too much cost and too little chance you will succeed."

"I am already succeeding! Why won't you see that? Are you blind?"

His father's eyes narrowed into slits.

"What I see is a man who is not worthy of the name I gave him."

Victor's teeth clenched and his next words came out in a dark, furious snarl.

"Then it's good that you forced me to skate under another name. I hope no one ever knows the one I was born with!"

He rose from the table so swiftly that his chair crashed to the floor, ignoring his father's stern rebuke and his mother's gentler voice calling after him. He ran past the startled butler and through the cold marble hallway to his suite. He slammed the doors behind him, ignoring his frantic assistant's pleas from outside the door. In moments, he had a bag packed with clothes, his skating costumes and his identification papers and passport. He grabbed the bag holding his skates and escaped out the window, running as fast as he could make his feet move. In moments, he reached the front gates of the estate and he entered his code and dashed out before the gates were fully open. He kept running until he was out of sight of the estate, until he was sure that no one was following, until some of the rage drained out of his slender, panting body and he began to regain some semblance of control. He found himself alone on a quiet residential street with nothing but a suitcase and the skater's pack on his back.

And for the first time in years, he felt like he could breathe again.

He walked more slowly then, heading into town and through the maze of streets, his blue-green eyes intent on the ground in front of him and oblivious to everything around him. He forced the heavy thoughts out of his aching mind and tried to focus on the little things, the soft sounds of the breeze, a car door slamming, distant voices. He reached the bridge near his home skating rink and started to look around for familiar faces. Male and female skaters passed him, some pausing to call out a greeting

"Are you lost, Vitya?" a young man's voice called out from behind him. Instantly, the troubled look on his face faded and Victor smiled at his blonde friend, "I thought you just went home. Didn't we just kiss goodbye?"

"What can I say?" Victor said casually, "I missed the ice too much. I think that I left something here. Have they locked up yet?"

"Sorry, yes, Yakov just left."

"Oh."

"But I am here."

"You have a key to the building?" Victor asked.

"No, but I have a feeling you weren't back here, looking for something you forgot. I know you sometimes slip in and sleep here."

"I am a diligent skater," Victor lied, smirking at his friend, "I sneak in to do night practice."

"Bullshit. If you need a place to sleep tonight, why don't you come home with me?"

Victor laughed.

"I told you I'm not sleeping with you until you land your quad loop in a competition and beat me. No trying to cheat, now!"

"Okay, okay," Evgeni laughed, his eyes twinkling, "I promise I won't try to have sex with you. You can have my brother's old room. He's at University now. I have the place to myself."

"I can just call Yakov."

"Hey," the taller man said, sliding an arm around Victor's slender waist from behind, "Yakov's on his way home to spend the rest of the evening drinking to numb the pain of his wife leaving."

Victor frowned.

"I thought he didn't even like her," he objected.

"He didn't like her nagging," Evgeni laughed, "Now, he says it's too quiet without her."

"I only wish it was quiet at home."

The smile faded from Evgeni's handsome face as he noted the tears in the corners of the younger teen's eyes.

"You were thrown out? Or did you just run away?" he asked more seriously.

"Thrown out, ran away," Victor sighed, "What does it matter? I'm tired of that man underestimating me and acting like he has some right to do so. I'm not like him and I refuse to hate myself for that."

Victor loosed a deeper, shuddering sigh as his friend caught him under the chin and lifted it so their eyes met again.

"And because you are different than him, you are going to be the number one male skater in the world in your debut."

Victor smiled mockingly.

"Only, I'll never amount to anything, dancing around the ice in frilly costumes and panting after another man!"

Evgeni let out a piqued breath.

"The bastard said that to you?" he asked, shaking his head, "I would have run away too. Come home with me, Vitya. I promise you, I'll keep my hands off you if it kills me."

"Evgeni…"

"I swear, we'll make that man eat his words!" Evgeni hissed, "After your debut, the whole world will be talking about Victor Nikiforov! He can sit in his damned mansion and choke on the articles and television news stories."

"I think you're taking this harder than I am," Victor laughed, rubbing his eyes briefly, "Look, I'm tired, so I'll stay the night. Tomorrow, I'll have Yakov find me a place to live."

"How are you going to pay for that if you pissed your father off?" Evgeni asked.

"Huh," Victor huffed, "I've been taking money out of my account that has his name on it and stashing it for a few years. Don't think I didn't know what was coming. I'll be all right until I make my debut. I'm not letting anything get in my way now."

"That's the spirit," Evgeni laughed.

The two headed back over the nearby bridge, talking about inconsequential things as they made their way to a cluster of apartments. Victor followed his friend up a spiral staircase, to an apartment on the second floor, then he waited as Evgeni unlocked the door. The two stepped inside and immediately, the tall, blonde youth turned and pushed Victor up against the wall, seeking his mouth for a long, fierce kiss of greeting.

"I thought you said that you weren't going to do this," Victor teased him, grinning and initiating a spirited battle of their tongues, "You're going to single-handedly ruin my debut by luring me into sex when I shouldn't be indulging. Are you trying to make me fail so I'll end up depending on you just for my survival?"

"Don't flatter me," Evgeni chuckled, "You're too clever to end up being another man's pet, my sly, sly Vitya."

He stepped back slightly, curving his palms around Victor's perfect, porcelain face.

"Trust me, you are going to have the world at your feet. And poor me, I am only hoping you will remember me when you do."

"Stop it," Victor laughed, pushing him away, "I'm tired. I need to sleep."

He looked down as at his stomach as it growled noisily. Evgeni smiled.

"You didn't eat before you ran away from home, Vitya?"

Victor smiled wryly.

"He didn't wait a moment to start insulting me and I lost my appetite almost immediately. It's fine. I'll order something delivered."

"Eh, allow me," Evgeni insisted.

"You're giving me a place to stay," Victor argued, "I'll at least buy dinner."

"Go get in the shower and wash away the shit that ridiculous old pig spewed all over you with his ranting. I'll call in the order, then come and join you."

"Well, if you insist," Victor laughed.

He headed for the bathroom as Evgeni stepped into the kitchen to order their meal. He walked into the bathroom and left the door cracked slightly open behind him. Finally alone again, he let the skater's pack slide down from his shoulder and he stood, facing the mirror over the sink.

"Shit, what a mess," he whispered, studying the misbehaving strands of long, silvery hair.

He looked more closely at himself, hearing again his father's sneering accusations.

"Men are not beautiful," he whispered, staring at his reflection.

His mind replayed the chaotic scene of his gold medal win as a junior at the last grand prix finals. He blinked, seeing the reflection of his slim body, adorned in an androgynous costume, the long strands of silvery hair looking silken and shiny.

"Men are not beautiful," he whispered again, his teeth clenching and tears welling up in his eyes.

He didn't remember moving from that spot, or how he ended up with a pair of sharp scissors in his hands. The blades sliced through the lengths of his hair, sending long pieces floating down to the floor. They cut relentlessly until Victor stood in front of the mirror, staring at, what he was sure had to be a completely different person.

"Vitya?" Evgeni's shocked voice issued from behind him.

Victor continued to stare at his reflection as his friend approached from behind him. Tears leaked onto his cheeks and the scissors dropped from his suddenly nerveless hands. He would have collapsed, but Evgeni caught him and the two dropped onto their knees in a scattering of fallen silver hair.

"Men are not beautiful," he sobbed, burying his face in his friend's shoulder.

Evgeni held him tightly, scowling at the offending words.

"Why do you listen to a thing that man says, Vitya?" he pleaded softly, "Why?"

"Because," Victor managed, barely audibly, "he is my father."

"He doesn't deserve you."

"I know," Victor sobbed, "He tells me that all of the time!"

XXXXXXXXXX

The sudden ringing of the phone next to the bed startled Victor and Yuuri out of sleep, and Victor sat up, squinting at the clock and running his fingers through the short lengths of his hair. He picked up the receiver and mumbled a sleepy greeting.

"Victor?"

Victor stiffened at the unmistakable sound of his mother's devastated voice.

"Yes," he managed softly, "what is it?"

"I know it's been a long time, and you may not want to come, but…your father has had a heart attack. He is delirious, and…he keeps asking for you. Will you please come, Victor?"


	6. Never Look Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri travel to Moscow to see Victor's ailing father.

"Victor," Yuuri said worriedly, watching his fiancé's expression closely as Victor set the phone down on the nightstand and gazed wordlessly at the space in front of him, "are you all right? Who was that?"

Victor blinked slowly, continuing to look straight ahead.

"It was my mother," he said with surprising calm, "My father's had a heart attack."

Yuuri caught his breath in surprise and sat up straighter.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, "Do you need to go to them? Do you want me to come with you?"

Victor frowned, blinking slowly again, as though trying to make sense of the words.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Yuuri repeated, looking confused, "Victor, it's your parents. I know you said that you aren't close, but…"

"We're not like you and your parents," Victor explained, "I haven't even spoken to them in about twelve years."

Yuuri stared at him, lost for words.

"I haven't spoken to them since I left home. That's why I told you that you might not meet them."

The words made Yuuri pause to consider carefully before speaking again.

_It's so strange. As much as I know Victor Nikiforov, the skater, I know nothing about his life before that. I wonder if something bad happened, and that's why…_

"If you don't mind me asking, did you have a fight with them? Is that why?"

Victor let out a troubled sigh and rubbed his hands over his face.

"You could call it that," he confessed softly, "My parents are aristocrats. You see, most people don't understand that although things have changed politically, here in Russia over the past thirty years, many of the same families who were influential in the old regime are still powerful. My parents are rich and very conservative. My father's family is in the banking industry and is respected in high Russian society. He had planned all along for me to follow him into that business, and he hated it when I became a professional skater. He…hated it even more when I showed interest in a male skater."

Yuuri paused, thinking for a moment.

"Evgeni Alenin?" he asked tentatively.

Victor looked surprised for a moment, then his eyes registered realization.

"Of course you would know," he commented, "Yes. I had an interest in Evgeni Alenin."

Yuuri nodded.

"There were rumors that you were not just strong competitors, that you were also lovers."

Victor studied his fiancé's face carefully for a moment.

"I guess you could say that we were…and we weren't."

Yuuri gave him a confused look.

"I guess you could say that I was ambivalent," Victor explained, "I was fifteen and already well known in the skating world, but at home, I was nothing. My parents were embarrassed by my choice of friends, and by the media attention, the speculation that I was seeing another boy romantically. For a conservative family that ran with other families like that, it was scandalous. They managed to hide their embarrassment by having me use my mother's maiden name as a skater. It was less well known, so it worked. I skated and I tried to make peace with my father by taking on some responsibilities in his business. But the truth is, I hated it. It wasn't me. Whatever he thought about turning me around, I was a professional figure skater, and nothing he said or did was going to change that. Evgeni was my rink mate, so he had a front seat to how my father made me hate myself."

"Victor!" Yuuri whispered in a shocked tone.

"I couldn't be the son he wanted, and he constantly pointed that out. None of my accomplishments in skating were good enough. And finally, one night, it became too much, and I left home. Evgeni was more than a friend. He gave me a place to stay for awhile. We did have a romantic relationship, but because I let my father get into my head, I never had sex with Evgeni. We teased each other. We did love each other, but he knew very well that I wasn't ready to have a physical relationship. We focused instead on being competitors. I wanted to give him more, Yuuri, but I wasn't able to do that. Evgeni was understanding, and he wanted to help me past that, so we made an agreement. If he landed his quadruple loop in competition and beat me with it, I would give in to him. It started as a joke between us, but as the years passed and he struggled trying to master that jump, it became more of a longing. I later offered to end the deal and go to bed with him anyway, but Evgeni was determined to win me in what he considered to be the right way."

Yuuri's face paled.

"Then, he got injured badly, trying to do that jump in competition!" he remembered, "Oh my god. That's why you hate that jump so much. I get now why you were so upset when I stupidly injured myself doing that jump while I was drunk."

Victor nodded.

"It is."

"I'm really sorry, Victor. I had no idea."

"It's not your fault that I never told you."

"It must have been horrible."

"It was," Victor confirmed softly, "I went to the hospital with him, and I wanted nothing more than to stay with him and help him to recover. But, if you know about his accident, then you know about what came after."

Yuuri nodded tentatively.

"I heard that you had a fight at the hospital."

"It wasn't a fight," Victor said softly, "Evgeni received devastating news. His leg was badly broken, and even if it healed, it would take a long time, and his chances of being able to skate professionally were poor. He had a bad reaction to that, and…he couldn't handle me being there and seeing his life fall apart. He told me to leave. He said he didn't want me to see. He ordered the staff at the hospital not to let me in to see him. The rumor was that we broke up. The reality was that I was very much still in love with him. He just pushed me away because he didn't want to burden me. After that, I poured all of my effort into skating, alcohol and women. I wanted to get as far from the memory of Evgeni as possible, so I threw everything I had into skating and numbed the pain when I wasn't skating by overindulging in everything else. With time, I realized that I was going to destroy myself. I stopped seeing anyone romantically and just focused everything on skating. The result was five world championships, and the belief that I could only get stronger on my own. It worked for awhile, but eventually I ran out of inspiration. I was ready to think about retiring, when that viral video of you skating my routine fell into my lap and changed everything."

Victor paused and took Yuuri's hands in his, looking into his eyes as he continued.

"I never really moved on from Evgeni until I met you, Yuuri. I never wanted to. I tricked myself into thinking that it was best to be alone, but the truth is, I needed someone. And that someone was you. I still need that, Yuuri, especially now."

He squeezed Yuuri's hands gently.

"I want you to come with me to Moscow to see my parents, Yuuri."

Yuuri's eyes widened.

"But, I thought that you said they were…"

"It doesn't matter," Victor said firmly, "I do want to see them, but I am not going to do that on any terms but my own. I am a world class skater and you are my lover. I am not going to say any different. I am proud of those things, and I won't pretend I'm not. I think it was a mistake before to doubt myself because of what that man said. I'm not doubting myself anymore. I'm proud to be with you. I'm not hiding that."

He paused again, sighing softly.

"But, I will ask you, what do you think about going, knowing that you might not receive a warm welcome, Yuuri? Are you going to be okay with that?"

"Of course I am," Yuuri answered without hesitation.

He moved closer, bringing his head to rest on Victor's warm shoulder.

"And even if they don't give me a warm reception, I know you will. I'm here for you, Victor, just like you've always been there for me."

"Thank you, Yuuri," Victor said gratefully, "That means a lot to me."

He gave Yuuri a kiss on the cheek and picked up his phone again.

"It's good we still have our things in our suitcases," Yuuri noted, "We don't have to pack for the trip."

Yuuri started to climb out of bed, but was met with an instant objection from Victor.

"What are you doing? You should be resting, Yuuri."

"I was just going to gather the few things we took out of our bags."

"Not on your life," Victor said firmly, "We probably won't be leaving right away, and you're recovering from injury and haven't had enough sleep."

He glanced at the clock.

"Do you need another pain pill? It's time, isn't it?"

"I'll see when we'll be leaving first," Yuuri decided, "I'm not hurting too badly right now, and if I take one right before the flight, I'll be able to sleep on the plane."

Victor nodded, then turned his attention back to the phone, speaking for a few minutes in Russian with the person on the other end. He ended the call, then climbed out of bed.

"Will we be going soon?" Yuuri asked.

Victor nodded.

"There was room on a flight that leaves in two hours."

The two repacked the few things they had unpacked and left the house again, heading for the airport. Victor sat in the back of the cab, looking silently out the window at the falling snowflakes. Noting his sad expression, Yuuri slipped a hand into his and leaned against him, not speaking, but providing comforting warmth. They reached the airport quickly and made their way through security and to the gate. A short time later, their plane rose into the air, headed for Moscow.

"Did you remember to…" Victor began, then he stopped, noting that only minutes into the flight, his younger partner was already asleep, "I guess you did."

Victor's pale eyes looked quietly out into the darkness.

_I wonder why he wants me there. Is he that worried he is going to die? Does he want to make me feel guilty? Or…could he want…to reconcile?_

He sighed anxiously, trying to picture his father having any sort of affection in his face or voice.

_I don't remember the last time he ever said he loved me. Not that I need his love, but I think since I went to Hasetsu and met Yuuri's family, I've had some regrets about the state of my own. I would like to be comfortable with them again, even if we can't be like the Katsuki family. It would just be a relief not to have that constant feeling of tension when I even think of them._

He rested his chin on the top of Yuuri's head, letting his mind drift as the plane made its way through the snowy skies and touched down in Moscow. Yuuri came awake as the plane started to descend, and he yawned and stretched, looking out the window.

"It's funny, we weren't here too long ago for the Rostelecom Cup," he noted.

"Hmm, right," Victor agreed.

"Seems like forever ago, though," Yuuri commented, looking down at his cast.

"Are you hurting?" Victor asked.

"My body's not hurting," Yuuri answered, "I just feel depressed, thinking about missing the nationals and world championships this year. But, you know, that will give you more time to prepare to make your comeback anyway."

"I suppose."

Yuuri gave him an appraising look and frowned.

"Victor, you are still planning on returning in time for the Russian nationals, aren't you?"

"I am planning to do so, yes."

"Okay, it just seemed like you didn't look so certain of that, for a minute."

"Well, I'm pretty distracted."

"Of course you are," Yuuri said reassuringly, "I can't imagine what it must be like for you. But, whatever might have happened between you and your parents, I know you still love them."

Victor gave him a curious look.

"You sound pretty sure of that," he commented, "I don't know if you're right, or if you're just that positive because it's all you know, Yuuri. I don't think I have to tell you that you have wonderful parents. My parents aren't like them at all. They are…"

He stopped speaking and gazed silently at his younger partner as Yuuri placed a hand on his and smiled encouragingly.

"I know it may not seem like it right now. But I really believe that the people who brought someone like you to life can't be all bad, Victor. Maybe they couldn't accept your choices before. But twelve years have passed. You've proven yourself to be the top male figure skater in the world. Maybe things won't be like they were when you were fifteen. Maybe they'll have changed too."

Victor took a steadying breath as the plane came to a stop and the passengers rose and began to gather their things.

"I really hope so," he sighed, "Things didn't end well when we were last in the same room."

"Well, now you have a chance to make them different. If there's anything I can do to help you, I promise I will."

Victor nodded and gave him an affectionate smile.

"I know you will," he answered, curving a warm palm around Yuuri's face and kissing him on the forehead, "It's in your nature to be that way. That's one of the things that I love most about you."

He stood and helped Yuuri to his feet, then the two retrieved their things and exited the plane. They entered the terminal and claimed their luggage, then started to head for the front doors. They spotted an elderly man holding a sign with the name _Victor_ on it amongst the people gathered, waiting for friends and relatives. Victor looked more closely at the man and broke into a smile that the old man matched immediately.

"Vitya!" he exclaimed happily, "I wondered if I'd be seeing you again. Come here, my boy!"

"Iosif!" Victor exclaimed, breaking into a genuine smile and embracing the old man tightly, "Yuuri, this is Iosif Vetrov. He was my bodyguard while I was a child. Iosif, this is Yuuri Katsuki, my fiancé."

"You look well, Vitya," Iosif said, patting him on the shoulder.

He met Yuuri's eyes kindly and extended a hand.

"It is pleasure to meet you, Mr. Katsuki," he said, grasping Yuuri's hand firmly, "I'm actually a big fan of yours since Vitya began coaching you. I was in attendance at the Rostelecom Cup."

"You were?" Victor inquired, looking surprised, "Why didn't you come and say hello? Just because I left home doesn't mean that you can't speak to me, does it?"

"Of course not," Iosif chuckled, "I just didn't want to bother you while you were working with your student. We can catch up now. I'll be taking you to the hospital where your father is being treated."

"What is the latest?" Victor asked anxiously as they left the terminal and headed towards a waiting limousine, "Have they been able to stabilize him?"

"He is stable for now," Iosif reported, "but he is in guarded condition. It was a bad attack. They weren't sure he would make it through the night, but he seemed to be improving when I left to come here and pick you up."

"Mother must be beside herself," Victor sighed, "but she said that he was asking for me?"

Iosif nodded. They reached the limousine and climbed inside, with Victor and Yuuri in the back and Iosif up front, beside a middle aged male driver.

"He is very drowsy. He fades in and out a lot, so he isn't always lucid. But he was clear when he called your name that he seemed anxious to see you."

"I don't know why," Victor said sadly, "He hasn't even spoken to me in twelve years."

"Hmm," Iosif said thoughtfully, "but he has asked me about you."

Victor frowned.

"Asked you about me?" he mused, "What would you know about me? You haven't spoken to me in twelve years either."

"That's true," he admitted, smirking at his former charge, "but you know me. I was a bodyguard for you. I used to work for KGB. Old habits die hard, so I look out for you and your father keeps paying me."

Yuuri's eyes widened.

"You've been following Victor for twelve years and he didn't even know about it?"

"What can I say?" Iosif laughed, "I liked job too much to leave. And I'm good, you know. As much as Vitya used to sneak out to drink with his friend, Evgeni…"

"Iosif!" Victor complained, grinning, "I thought we had a deal. I don't tell on you for drinking on the job and you don't tell about me sneaking out."

"Surely, you don't keep secrets from your lovely fiancé," Iosif teased.

"I don't have to sneak out to drink," Victor laughed, "Yuuri can drink with me...well, except when he has a competition coming up. And don't let him have too many or he'll beat you in a dance off and get you to do crazy things!"

"Victor!" Yuuri objected.

"Not to worry," Iosif chuckled affectionately, "I'll watch out for you, little snowdrop."

"Eh, snowdrop?" Yuuri repeated, blinking in confusion.

"Vitya is ice prince. You are his little snowdrop," Iosif explained, "I'll watch out for both of you now, okay?"

"Ah, okay," Yuuri said, blushing.

The three sobered as the limousine reached the hospital and stopped in front to let them out.

"Do you need the wheelchair in case it is long walk?" Iosif asked Yuuri.

"No, it's okay," Yuuri assured him, "It's a walking cast, and I'm getting pretty good at it."

"Yuuri," Victor said quietly, "when we go inside, I want you to hang back with Iosif at first. I'll introduce you. I just…"

"You don't have to explain," Yuuri assured him, "Do you what you need to do."

Victor let out an unsettled breath as the three approached the room that Iosif pointed out. They were waved past the nurses station and reached the door, where Victor paused, paling as his eyes found his father's very pale figure lying on his back, with IV tubes and monitors all around him. A slender woman who looked deceptively youthful sat on the far side of the bed, holding the ill man's hand against her cheek. She looked up as the three men entered the room, glancing briefly at Yuuri and Iosif, then locking her eyes on Victor's.

"Victor!" she exclaimed softly, her eyes filling with tears, "I'm glad you are here!"


	7. The Empty Hand That Filled My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor rushes to his ailing father's side.

Yuuri stared curiously at the surprisingly young looking woman who sat at Victor's sick father's side.

"That's Victor's mother?" he whispered to Iosif, who smiled appreciatively and shrugged, "She looks more like his sister!"

"She has good genes," the old man answered, "and maybe a little bit of help, here or there. Alek, he likes to spoil her. And after their boy left, she was depressed, you know?"

"Yeah," Yuuri agreed sadly, "it must have been rough for her. I mean, from what little Victor told me, it sounded like it was his father who his disagreement was mostly with."

Iosif nodded.

"Alek is rich son of banker family, and he is stubborn. He always expected Vitya would be banker too. Boy tried to make Alek happy, but he likes skating too much to give it up. Alek is not understanding, so they fight and Vitya leaves."

"Uh-huh, Victor told me about that."

Yuuri watched closely as Victor sat down beside his mother and surrendered to a long, tight embrace.

"But I got the feeling," Yuuri went on, "that even though Victor felt like he had to leave, he had some real regrets about doing it. We never really talked about his parents before all of this happened. Victor only said that his family wasn't close. I think he just didn't know how to tell me."

Iosif nodded in agreement.

"Vitya is carrying too much on his shoulders. This is good for them. They should have done a long time ago."

"Well, at least they're doing it now."

Across the room from the two, Victor released his mother and turned his attention to the man lying asleep in the bed.

"How is he?" Victor asked anxiously, shifting from English to Russian as he spoke to his mother, "Iosif said he was stable."

Natalya nodded, blinking wearily.

"He is stable, for now, but he is very weak. There is a lot of damage from the heart attack, so we are told we have to wait and see the results of tests they took last night. But Alek was awake a lot last night. He kept asking for you. I told him I called you. I told him you were coming to him, and he calmed and went to sleep. Take his hand, Victor. He will wake for you."

Victor looked down at his father's pale, drawn face, biting at his lip and taking a steadying breath before reaching out to take the elder man's hand gently in his.

"Father."

Alek's eyes opened and blinked, squinting as they worked to focus clearly on Victor's concerned face. Victor's obvious anxiety increased as his father quivered and brought his other hand to his chest, over his heart.

"Does it hurt?" Victor asked, "Should we ring for the nurse?"

"N-no," Alek assured him, "I was just…s-surprised, waking to see you, Victor."

The anguish in Victor's eyes continued to grow.

"I did come as quickly as I could when I heard from Mother that you wanted to see me. I am s…"

He broke off, looking startled as his father hand squeezed his to stop him.

"Don't apologize."

"But, I am sorry," Victor insisted, "I shouldn't have left like that. I was…"

"You were a boy, and you had a strong spirit…s-so much stubbornness."

Victor gave him a look of mingled confusion and alarm as the elder man started to laugh, then clutched his chest and grimaced.

"Why don't you try to rest now?" Victor urged him, "This isn't good for you. We can do this later. Right now, just sleep, okay?"

To his surprise and dismay, his father gave him a shaky smile.

"I will sleep soon," he assured Victor, "We'll talk first."

"It isn't good for you. You need to rest!" Victor insisted.

His father laughed again.

"What is this? Is it the drugs? Please, you need to calm down and sleep. Should I go?"

"S-such a stubborn boy," Alek, "It must be the Azarnov in you."

The name made Victor stiffen for a moment, then he swallowed hard, blinking back tears.

"For a long time, I didn't see that, Victor," his father continued, "but I do now. Your mother, she tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear it. I refused to look more closely. Victor, I am dying."

"What?" Victor objected, "No, don't say that. They haven't even come back with the results of your tests."

"I don't need tests to tell me this," Alek said more firmly, "Victor…"

"No!" Victor snapped, his voice shaking, "Stop talking like that. You're scaring Mother. You just need…"

"Victor, listen to me," Alek insisted, the tone of his voice making his son freeze in place, heart pounding in distress and the hand that held his father's shaking visibly, "I called you back to me for a r-reason. Th-this heart attack, it was not a surprise."

"What?"

"My heart, for several years, it has been weakening. I didn't want to scare your mother, so I didn't tell her how bad it was."

"Alek!" Natalya exclaimed.

The elder man gave her a look of apology.

"I went to the doctor, and there is nothing they can do. I am not a candidate for heart transplant and there is nothing more they can do with the one I have. I knew I didn't have a lot of time, so I put something in my will to explain to you, after I am gone. Then, when my heart stopped, I decided I want to tell you to your face. I said to myself, if I lived long enough I would say it to you."

Across the room, Yuuri grabbed Iosif's arm to get his attention.

"What are they saying? What's happening? Why is Victor crying like that?" he whispered to the bodyguard.

"Alek has failing heart," Iosif explained sadly, "He called Vitya here to say goodbye."

"What?" Yuuri breathed, staring.

Tears streamed down Victor's face and Natalya fell against her son's shoulder, sobbing. Yuuri froze like a deer as Alek's hazy eyes found his.

"Yuuri Katsuki, come here," he said in English.

Yuuri hesitated for a moment, then released Iosif's arm and moved forward slowly to sit down on Victor's other side, opposite Natalya. He gazed wordlessly at the elder man, trying to read his expression.

_Why is he doing this?_

_Is he still angry? He doesn't look it, but he seems really intent on something. What can I do? How can I help Victor?_

"Victor," Alek went on, continuing to speak in English, "I was angry before because you weren't living up to my expectations."

"I tried to tell you I am…"

"I know," his father interrupted, "but you aren't the one who should be sorry. You love skating, not banking. You have talent enough to make everyone love you. I couldn't be proud while I was only looking at you for the reflection of myself. I watched every year as you won. You looked happy, but there was something sad in you too."

"I was fine," Victor assured him, "I am fine."

"No. We have unfinished business."

He paused and caught his breath as a monitor began to beep.

"Father?" Victor said urgently, grabbing his hand more tightly, "Iosif, get someone!"

"Victor," Alek panted weakly, "here, take it."

Victor stared in dismay as his father freed his hand and turned it palm upward.

"Go on."

"What? But, your hand is empty," Victor objected.

His father's hand rose, and a quaking palm wrapped around a pale, damp cheek.

"Father," Victor whispered sadly, "I don't understand you. What are you trying to tell me?"

"Y-you," Alek managed softly, "are… _beautiful_."

Victor, Yuuri and Natalya stared in shock as Alek's arm went limp and his hand fell away from Victor's face. The heart monitor emitted a long, unbroken beep as a doctor and nurse entered the room alongside Iosif. Victor gave them a look of dismay as they made no move to help the dying man.

"What are you doing? Help him! He's…!"

"My deepest apologies," the doctor answered sadly, "Mr. Azarnov signed an order for us not to resuscitate him."

"What?" Victor whispered disbelievingly.

The doctor nodded to the nurse, who crossed the room and turned off the beeping monitor. The two moved to the unmoving man's far side and conducted a brief examination.

"I am so sorry," the doctor said sincerely, "but he is gone."

"So quickly like that?" Yuuri said, shaking his head.

"His heart was very weak," the doctor explained, "We did not expect he would live even this long. He wanted very much to see Victor. I think that he was too stubborn to let go until he did that."

Victor rubbed Natalya's shoulder gently as she dropped onto Alek's torso, crying heartbrokenly.

"Idiot!" she sobbed, "You should have told me it was this bad. Maybe if you told me sooner, we could have done something!"

"There really wasn't anything we could do," the doctor assured her, "The disease was too advanced by the time he was diagnosed, and his heart and other systems were too damaged. If we had tried surgery or transplant, he would not have survived. Alek was understanding of this. We did every test we could and consulted the very best in the business. I urged him to talk to you, but he didn't want to burden you. Mr. Azarnov told me that he wanted his last days with you to be peaceful, not focused on the end that was coming, but on those last precious days you had together. Please accept my deepest condolences, and know that we did our best."

Natalya continued to cry more quietly, and Victor gave the doctor a brief nod of acknowledgment.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"You are welcome. We will give you some time now. Please inform my nurse when you are ready for us to take him."

The doctor and nurse left the room, closing the door softly behind them. Yuuri looked from Victor to his inconsolable mother, then to Iosif.

"Maybe I should go too," he whispered to the bodyguard.

He blinked in surprise as Iosif's hand touched his arm.

"You stay here, little snowdrop," the bodyguard said firmly, "Don't you understand? When Sir Alek called you to his side, he was asking you to take care of his son. This is his dying wish for you to do that, so you will not fail him, right?"

Yuuri studied Victor's sagging shoulders and tearstained face, and his back stiffened with determination.

"Right," he agreed, moving closer to Victor's side again and sliding a supportive arm around him.

His lips curved into a sad smile as Victor's hand found his and he buried his tormented face in Yuuri's offered shoulder. Yuuri kept a firm hold on his grieving partner as Natalya continued to cry for several more minutes, before slowly quieting and sitting up straight to wipe her reddened eyes. Victor lifted his head from Yuuri's shoulder and captured his mother's hand supportively.

"Are you all right?" he asked, "I mean, I know it's not all right, but…"

"I am all right," Natalya assured him, "I was just taken by surprise. But really, I shouldn't have been. Alek always tried to protect me from everything."

"You're right," Victor recalled, "I remember that."

"I want to be mad at him for not telling me what was going on with him, but I have to admit, it is good to know that our last days together were good ones. And I'm most happy that Alek got to see you and reconcile with you before he left us," Natalya said, patting Victor's cheek, "You know, he was too proud over the years to say he was wrong, but we watched you win each of your championships. And each time, he said that he would call you soon and talk to you."

"I wish he had called me," Victor sighed, "maybe he could have talked to me. It's a lot to carry, knowing that you're dying and not sharing that with anyone."

"Try not to think about that," Natalya urged him, "Just know that your father loved you. It was hard for him to accept your becoming a figure skater, but once you left, he really thought about what he had been doing by forcing you to take on the family business. It didn't make sense to him before, but as we watched you together, I saw his eyes grow less upset and more and more proud. In the end, he had to admit that you made a good choice. You achieved all you wanted to with your skating. I am just sorry that we didn't support you the way we should have."

"It was fine," Victor assured her, "I did fine without it."

His mother gave a little sobbing laugh and took Victor's face in her hands.

"Stupid boy," she chided him, kissing him on a still damp cheek, "you did not. Maybe you could fool everyone else with the charming smile of yours, but Alek and me? We could see, year by year, that the memory wasn't going away. You were happy on the outside, but you were still our sad and angry boy on the inside. You can't hide that from your parents. We always know."

Victor looked cautiously back at his father's peaceful looking face.

"I'm glad he asked for me. I wouldn't have wanted to leave things the way they were."

"I thought you said you were fine with things as they were," his mother teased him half-heartedly.

"I didn't like how we left things," Victor admitted quietly, "but what I meant was that I felt bad for disappointing you. I just knew I couldn't be the person he wanted so badly for me to be. And every day I tried, I kept disappointing him. I couldn't keep doing that. At least, once I left, I didn't have to see how much my choices were hurting him."

"He got over that a long time ago," Natalya said firmly, "It was only pride that kept him from saying so. The Azarnov men don't like to be wrong about anything. But you were so amazing that he couldn't help watching you. At first, he wanted to be right, but you shined so brightly as a figure skater that you overwhelmed every argument he could have made against it. You were a force to be reckoned with, and in the end, he was proud of the strength that you showed, leaving us and carving out a life for yourself. In the end, you made him more proud defying him than you ever could have made him if you had obeyed him and given up your dream. So, don't feel bad, Victor. You changed his mind, and you may be the only person who ever did that in Alek's whole life."

The two went silent for several long minutes, just holding each other and saying nothing. After a time, Victor released her and looked down at her tired face.

"What will you do now?" he asked, "Do you want me to come home with you?"

Natalya let out a long shuddering sigh and pulled free of him.

"It would be good if you stayed until his funeral, but I know that you and Yuuri have to go back to Saint Petersburg. You need to train for your comeback, don't you?"

"I do," Victor agreed, "but I can begin the work for that here in Moscow. Because of Yuuri's injury, he won't be competing in the nationals, four continents or worlds this year. That means I don't need to coach him as much…at least, not at first. I will have plenty of time to work on my routines."

"So, you will come and stay at the estate?" Natalya asked, glancing at Yuuri, "You are both welcome, of course. I will have rooms…"

She paused, glancing at Yuuri again.

"I will have a room prepared for you."

She bent to kiss her husband on the cheek, then looked at Victor expectantly.

"You will say a final blessing for him?" she asked quietly.

Victor nodded and took her hand in one of his and Yuuri's in the other. Iosif moved forward to take Natalya's other hand and the four bowed their heads as Victor recited an orthodox prayer in Russian. Iosif finished with a soft a capella hymn, then the four began to exit the room. Yuuri turned back and stood for a moment longer at the dead patriarch's side, before breathing a few barely audible words in Japanese.

"Thank you for giving life to Victor. You'll never know how much your son means to me. Walk a safe path to your fate."

He bowed respectfully, then turned and left the room.


	8. Comforts of Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor takes Yuuri to his childhood home.

Yuuri’s eyes rounded as the limousine they rode in approached the front gates of a sprawling mansion that he was sure could fit a hundred dwellings the size of his family’s Yutopia Katsuki inside it. He stared speechlessly as the iron gates opened in front of them, and the car moved forward. Ahead of them laid the visually stunning pillared front of the home, which seemed to stretch out to disappear into lovely trees at either end, beautiful gardens that burst with colors, despite the dreariness of the weather, and a stone roundabout that featured a tall white fountain at the center.

“Wow,” Yuuri managed softly, “This is where you lived growing up?”

“It is,” Victor answered quietly, glancing at his mother for a moment, “I haven’t seen it in years, but it looks just as it did the day I left.”

His eyes took on a pensive look.

“It’s like looking back in time.”

“It’s beautiful,” Yuuri said appreciatively.

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Natalya said, smiling at him, “Alek and I always believed that whatever the days held for us, we wanted a relaxing place to enjoy our life together. Alek kept a full staff to care for every detail, so that nothing ever looked less than perfect.”

She sighed softly, her pale eyes lighting with memory.

“We used to have important visitors all of the time, and when he was younger, our Victor was a charming entertainer. He always met our guests with a handsome smile and there was no better dancer at the balls we held.”

 _Hmm_ , Yuuri mused inwardly, _that’s probably where Victor learned to connect with people the way he does. He was raised around wealthy people, who are used to having to look their best in front of everyone. The people and the places are so very beautiful, but even while Victor was a part of that beauty, I know he was struggling with his parents over his future. The way he is looking at this place is something like a mixture of love and despair._

_Victor…_

The limousine rolled to a stop at the base of the front steps, and the four passengers exited the vehicle. Natalya led them up the steps and through the doors that the butler opened for them.

“Thank you, Halvard,” Natalya said, meeting the aged man’s eyes warmly.

“I am so sorry for your loss, Lady Natalya,” Halvard said sadly, “What can we do?”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing to do,” Natalya sighed wearily, “But please make my son and his…his friend, Yuuri, comfortable. We’ve already had dinner on the way home.”

“Yes, of course,” Halvard answered, turning his attention to the others with her.

The old man’s eyes lit at seeing Victor.

“Vitya!” he exclaimed softly, extending a hand, “You’ve grown so much since you left us!”

Victor accepted his hand, then surprised him with a warm embrace.

“It’s good to see you, Halvard.”

The old man straightened and cleared his throat as Victor released him. He nodded in Yuuri’s direction.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Katsuki,” he greeted Yuuri.

He nodded again to Iosif.

“Iosif,” he greeted the bodyguard pleasantly.

“Halvard,” Iosif replied, smiling and nodding.

“Mr. Katsuki, if you like, I will show you to your guest room,” Halvard said, indicating a hallway to their left.

“Actually,” said Victor, “Yuuri will be staying with me.”

“Of course, Vitya,” the butler answered, his expression betraying no hint of either surprise or disapproval.

“I will show Yuuri the way,” Victor said, smiling.

“Yes sir.”

Victor placed an arm around his blushing partner and led him away from the others.

“Victor,” Yuuri whispered as the two walked down the hallway, “are you sure I shouldn’t have a guest room? I mean, it’s your parents’ house and we’re not married. I…”

“It’s fine, Yuuri,” Victor assured him, “My mother is aware of who you are to me, and she understands that right now, I really need to be with you.”

“I’m glad I can be here for you,” Yuuri said, squeezing Victor’s hand as they stopped in front of the closed door to Victor’s old bedroom, “You’ve been there for me, I can’t count how many times, but I haven’t been able to be there for you like that. I want to be there for you now.”

“Thank you,” Victor said, kissing him on the cheek, then gently on the mouth, “That means a lot to me.”

“You mean everything to me,” Yuuri assured him, watching as Victor opened the bedroom door.

Yuuri’s jaw dropped in surprise, and Victor drew in a sharp breath at seeing the room that had very obviously, not been touched except for careful cleaning, over the long years.

“It’s just like in the pictures from the magazine spread, just before your senior debut!” Yuuri exclaimed softly, “Victor…!”

“I know, right?” Victor said, shaking his head, “It’s like stepping back in time. I thought for sure that when I ran off, they would have just gotten rid of everything. My father, especially, really didn’t like that I was a skater. But everything is exactly as I left it that day. It’s so strange to see it like this…”

Yuuri smiled.

“I was only eleven when I saw that magazine spread,” he recalled, letting his eyes run around the room, “I closed my eyes and tried to imagine being here. I never thought that I would ever stand in this room with you.”

Victor gave him a sly smirk and nuzzled his cheek.

“We’ll be doing more than standing in here,” he snickered.

“Victor!” Yuuri complained, “This is your parent’s house.”

“Well, it’s my house too. And we made out in your parent’s house,” the elder skater giggled.

“Yeah, and Mari teased me like crazy after she caught us those times,” Yuuri complained, “And everyone here seems so formal and serious. I think I’d die of embarrassment if one of the house attendants walked in on us or something!”

“It’s fine,” Victor laughed, “They won’t come into my room without knocking, and you and I learned to be pretty quiet when we made out at Yutopia Katsuki.”

Yuuri’s already dark flush deepened.

“Could we maybe just not talk about making out and stuff like that?” he requested.

“You don’t feel like talking?” Victor mused, “Well, I suppose that we could do something else, then.”

He turned suddenly and pushed Yuuri up against the wall, just inside the bedroom, kissing him passionately.

“V-victor, s-stop!” Yuuri complained.

“Shh, shh!” Victor chided him, kissing him more hungrily, “You don’t want them to hear, _da_?”

“Mmph! W-we shouldn’t be doing things we don’t want heard!” Yuuri hissed, “Stop kissing me like that.”

Victor pushed up against him, nudging him away from the wall and guiding him slowly towards the bed.

“Oh, I see where this is going,” Yuuri complained between kisses, “Victor, stop it, okay? I don’t think I can…”

“C’mon, relax,” Victor giggled, bringing him down on his back on the soft bed, “Everyone knows we’ll want privacy. My mom and the attendants live in another part of the house. We’ll have to ring them if we do want them here. We have perfect privacy. Now, stop your worrying and just be with me, here.”

Yuuri tried to relax his body as Victor continued an enthusiastic invasion of his mouth. Victor’s hands slipped beneath his clothes to caress his back, then they slid down lower and wrapped around his bottom, encouraging his hips to move so that the two were grinding against each other.

“That feels so good, Yuuri!” Victor purred into his ear, “Do you feel good too?”

“Mmhmm,” Yuuri sighed, pausing in their kissing and brushing the hair out of Victor’s bright, affectionate eyes, “Do you know, I used to daydream about kissing you in this room?”

“Really?” Victor asked, nuzzling Yuuri’s hand, “That’s so sweet, Yuuri! But, was kissing all that you imagined we would do here?”

“I was only about eleven years old,” Yuuri laughed, “Kissing was about all I could imagine.”

“But we’re older and wiser now,” Victor pointed out, “We’re a long way from the innocent children we used to be. You are my lover now, and I want, more than anything, to be with you, here…here, where we used to be dreamy, imaginative children, Yuuri. We may have left those years behind, but we haven’t forgotten how we were somehow together, even though we didn’t yet know each other like we do now.”

 _It’s true_ , Yuuri mused inwardly, as Victor’s mouth found his and caressed it lovingly again, _Before, it was just a dream, to lie here, in Victor’s beautiful bedroom, with this amazing person. I dreamed of him smiling like this, and welcoming me here._

_And…now he is!_

_Beautiful, graceful Victor is welcoming me into his bedroom and wanting to make love to me. I never thought that something like this would happen, even though I really, really wanted to. I never dared to dream like that until Victor came to Hasetsu to be with me._

_And now, wonderful, beautiful Victor is loving me._

_His eyes are looking so happy as they gaze into mine. His hands are so gentle and caring as they undress me and caress my skin. I never thought of more than kissing, but this is an even better, more amazing dream, to lie naked with Victor like this…to feel Victor’s kisses on my mouth, my throat, tickling my nipples, making a trail, down over my belly. It’s amazing to feel Victor’s soft, warm tongue, tasting me like I’m some kind of delicious treat that he’s devouring. God, I feel like he’s going to eat me alive! My heart is pounding so hard!_

“Yuuri,” Victor whispered, his voice taking on a lower, more passionate tone, “please put your hands on me too!”

_I hardly dare to touch him. He’s so perfect! Victor’s lovely, pale face and long, graceful throat, his muscular shoulders and smooth, white breasts. The whole skating world worships Victor, every bit of him, and he’s funny, because he’s not afraid to show himself off to them. Yes, unlike me, Victor doesn’t mind people looking at him. But, even though everyone looks at Victor all of the time. Even though many people have seen Victor’s perfect body and desired him, I am the only one he wants to be close to him like this. He has been with other lovers, but Victor has never let another living soul inside him…and he’s already said that he’ll want me there._

_Victor’s love scares me with how wonderful it feels._

_I feel like I’ll be swallowed alive._

_What is that? What are Victor’s fingers doing? I’ve never let anyone touch me there, but Victor’s fingers are touching me, stroking and teasing their way inside me. First, his fingers, then another part of Victor that he puts inside me. I wondered how it would feel if Victor was inside me…and it feels like being in heaven! Victor’s kisses, his warm hands, his shaky breaths and soft moans. My name in Victor’s mouth sounds beautiful too, just like he is._

_But, as beautiful as all of that is, there is something even more beautiful that I feel as Victor makes love to me. There has never been another living soul that wanted to be inside me, that wanted to know me as Victor wants to know me. I feel this closeness with Victor, and I feel it changing me…changing him. And as he’s overwhelmed and Victor’s almost painful heat floods my body, I know…we’ll never be the innocent children we were, but that’s okay. Victor and I are lovers now. We’ll only love each other this way._

_Forever!_

“Yuuri, come inside me now!”

_And just like that, Victor wants me inside him to. He invites me to a place that no one else has ever been. I hope he can feel how my fingers, my hands, my mouth and that other part of me, all treasure him as I return the love that Victor gave me._

_I feel so dizzy!_

_I feel like Victor’s so beautiful body is pulling something out of me, teasing me and pleasuring me until I surrender. And now, it’s my heat that fills Victor’s empty places. He’s making such incredible sounds and holding on to me like he’s afraid I’ll disappear. I’ve never seen Victor’s face scrunched up with happiness and glowing with love. I’m the only one who gets to see that. I’m the only one he shows this to._

_Wait._

_Are those tears?_

“V-victor?”

“It’s okay, Yuuri,” Victor whispered into his ear, stroking his worried partner’s sweating face and kissing his soft, panting mouth, “I’m not sad. You’ve just made this place finally feel like my home again. It feels good to lie here with you and look at all of my old things. I feel like…when I was younger and all alone here, and I was so sad before? I know now that I wasn’t really alone. While I was lying here alone and feeling sad, there was someone out there who wanted to be with me here…who wanted to fill my empty places and make me feel good all over. Finally, I see that, and it feels so very good that I can’t help crying. But it’s the happiest kind of crying, Yuuri. It’s not sad at all!”

Yuuri smiled and brushed the tears away from Victor’s comely face.

“I’m glad to be here with you,” he answered, kissing his lover’s blushing lips comfortingly, “finally!”

Victor’s arms curled around Yuuri’s naked body, pulling him close and holding him there as the two drifted off together.

_Victor always sleeps with his arms around Maccachin. But…I think that, all of the years that he’s done that, he was really wanting to hold onto me. He just didn’t know me yet. But even before Victor and I knew each other, we made a place for each other, and we kept it waiting. I’m in that place now that I wanted so much to be. I’m in Victor’s arms, and he’s in mine._

“I love you, Yuuri.”

“Love you too,” Yuuri mumbled sleepily, “I love you, Victor.”

_I never, ever thought that I would be so lucky to have Victor take my virginity in that same bed that I wanted to lie in. I was so innocent that I only dreamed of lying here and kissing him. This is so much more beautiful than anything I could imagine. I mean, it’s really sad that Victor has just lost his father. But this place now feels like home to Victor again._

_I’m glad._

The two young men fell into a deep sleep that lasted through the night and well into the next morning. They woke to the sound of raindrops striking the window and roof. Victor snuggled closer to Yuuri and kissed him on the back of the neck.

“I never felt so happy here,” Victor whispered, “I always felt alone and frustrated, because I really wanted my father to be as proud of my skating as I felt. But, back then, I couldn’t make him feel proud. He couldn’t accept that skating was what I loved. It took him a long time to accept that.”

“It’s good that you got to talk to him, and that he told you he was proud of you, and that you are beautiful, Victor…because you are.”

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Victor said gratefully, touching warm fingers to his lover’s sweetly flushed face, “Thank you for coming all of this way here and holding me and comforting me. I wouldn’t have asked you to do that.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

“Yes,” Victor agreed, “because that’s the kind of person you are. You are the perfect person to be the love of my life, Yuuri. Don’t ever forget that, no matter what happens. No matter what happens, always remember how much I love you.”

“I will.”


End file.
